see bess run

Giving him back...two years later

2012-01-27T00:01:00.034-05:00

Two years ago today we loved, held, and said goodbye to our third child, Josiah...

As I type in almost every other post: time is slipping by.

The past week has been full of memories from the week prior to Josiah's birth, almost as if I'm in that week again. The memories are almost like clockwork, coming up on their designated days. Taking the kids with us to the ultrasound and feeling so excited about it (there was no indication that anything was wrong at this point). Sitting on the couch that afternoon, trying to digest what my midwife was saying while blurting out questions and trying not to cry. Calling Curt and telling him that our baby had "multiple genetic defects that didn't look good." The in-depth ultrasound two days later, with a diagnosis of hydrops. The dreaded amniocentesis. A Saturday visit from my sister and brother-in-law. Hearing the amnio results three days later, which showed absolutely no genetic defects and resulted in more questions with no answers. The specialist telling us he was 100% certain the baby wouldn't survive outside the womb. Growing larger by the day, unable to breathe if I laid in bed or sat down for too long.

Then there are the memories of this day - Going to the specialist and, after a nonstress test, finding out that the baby's heart rate was dropping here and there, and the amount of amniotic fluid surrounding the baby had grown even more than the day prior. Being prepped (mentally, emotionally, and physically) for a c-section that wasn't in the plans. Lying on that surgery table, telling Curt that we never definitely decided on a boy's name and a girl's name (we did not know the baby was a boy), and making our choices minutes before the baby was born. And, after being told the nurses did all they could do, finally holding our second son.

Oh, the memories...

I also remember those two Sundays, one a few months after Danae was born and the other a few months after Caedon was born, when we dedicated out babes back to the Lord...when we verbally said before our family, friends, and church that we understood our children were not truly ours, but God's, and we were to raise them for Him and be willing to give them back when the time comes.

What a difference there is between saying it verbally and having to actually do it in real life.

I find comfort in knowing we were not and are not alone. So many family members, friends, church buddies, and even strangers walked (and continue to walk) that road with us. Some of you know firsthand what it's like to give a child back. Many of you loved Josiah just as much as we did and hurt deeply, too. Your love is felt, and we are abundantly grateful to you!

One day, we will see our Josiah again. We miss him, but we were so, so blessed to have him for even a short while. For now, I know he's having the best 2nd birthday anyone could have!

Retraction, clarification, and some other thoughts

2012-01-23T07:30:00.001-05:00

After Joe Paterno's passing, I decided to post my opinion on Facebook. I'm not usually one to give my opinion on something that doesn't directly relate to a personal experience or something I strongly stand for, but for some reason I felt compelled to throw my thoughts out there.

I guess Facebook can do that to you.

My opinion-posting led to some good discussion (or typing, rather), with people offering questions and opposing viewpoints. I felt it was rather healthy...I love hearing what others have to say, and many times I learn and grow from it.

All too often, though, I witness people (myself definitely included) just "going with the flow" and quickly changing what they think so they fit in with friends or family. I'm the type of person that likes to get opinions from all sides, and then I'll make my own conclusion. Sometimes it's the same as what my friends and family think, and other times it's different. Most times, I only share if I find it necessary, and other times, I just put it out there for all to know.

Looking back, part of my posting about Joe Paterno was presumptive. Based on his life, I made the assumption that he did not have a relationship with Jesus and expressed my feeling that this was the saddest thing of all. That was me, looking in from the outside and not knowing him personally. His salvation would be between him and our Maker. Those of you who gently let me know that this is something that cannot be assumed just because he didn't outright express where he was with Jesus, I thank you and am grateful for your ability to speak up in a loving way. It made me think about how being a Christian looks and how many of us think it is "supposed" to look. Yes, we are supposed to live as Jesus did - having morals, living healthful lives, and loving people the best we can - but that can look different in various settings.

With that said, let me clarify the first part of my Facebook post...the part where I said I have a hard time overlooking Joe Paterno's lack of responsibility and concern for children and just focusing on his accomplishments at Penn State. In no way am I saying I think he was involved in the abuse. What I am saying is that he should have gone further to ensure the safety and well-being of those children. He didn't do the physical act...but his lack of action meant that it would continue. I often try to envision how others involved in the situation would feel. In this case, how would I feel as a parent of one of those children? Besides wanting to wring the neck of the abuser, how would I feel knowing that someone out there had knowledge of the abuse and didn't go further - or even inform me, the parent - to end it? That's when my maternal instincts would kick in, and I would be downright furious.

I do realize my mistake in assuming where Joe Paterno was with Jesus. I do realize this man meant a lot to people at Penn State and that he influenced many things for the good and that he used his knowledge and skills to teach and empower many. I feel for his family as they grieve. However, abuse of this capacity is just gut-wrenching, and, unfortunately, his lack of complete action still has consequences.

Giving Back

2012-01-19T07:00:00.001-05:00

Since my son's 2nd birthday in Heaven is quickly approaching, you might see more posts this month about him. As the mood strikes, I will write...but we will also be spending time as a family remembering Josiah, so it's possible I might not be around as much.

I'm always amazed at how quickly time goes by. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's came and went in the blink of an eye, and, for the most part, I feel the same about the past two years. So much has happened, yet I can clearly remember the events that took place the day Josiah was born, as well as the days leading up to his birthday. More on that in a later post...

Sometime in December, I was reminiscing about the love and care we received while in the hospital. We are so grateful to the hospital staff for all that they did for us and gave us (more on that later, too). One of the things sent home with us was the blanket that Josiah was wrapped in after he was born and cleaned up.

Many do not know the woman or the program that started this act of love and kindness. Stephanie Cole and her husband were expecting their first child, Madeline, in January 2007 when Madeline suddenly died in the womb, one week after Stephanie's due date. Out of this tragedy Stephanie started the Sweet Pea Project, which provides hospitals with blankets to give to bereaved parents, as well as a copy of Stephanie's book, Still.

Curt and I explained the Sweet Pea Project to the kiddos, who know full well all of the things we were given by the hospital after Josiah died. Danae and Caedon often look through the hair clippings, booties, blankets, pictures, and outfit, knowing their special nature and (at least for Danae) talking about the memories.

We barely had to explain that Stephanie Cole was having an art exhibit in January in honor of her daughter's 5th birthday, and that if you made a donation in December, Stephanie would write the name of the child you ~~lost~~ gave back to Jesus on a candle and have it brightly burning during the exhibit reception. Immediately the kids went to their piggy banks, selected their amounts, and put them together in an envelope, with Danae writing "For The Sweet Pea Project" on the outside. My, how my heart melted at their decision!

The reception was last Sunday, and while we didn't really choose our arrival time wisely (right after lunch, but on the cusp of naptime...which equates to being on the brink of a meltdown), we still spent some time look at the exhibit, meeting Stephanie, and seeing Josiah's candle, brightly burning next to so many other candles for babes who are in Heaven.

A piece in the exhibit, painted by Stephanie Cole

There's beauty in all of this, and there's beauty in being able to give back to something so meaningful and important.

(Yes, that would be Danae's middle finger - she wanted her red nail polish to show - and a lion sticker on my little boy's hand. It kept him slightly happy.)

Welcome 2012...with a little bathroom project

2012-01-14T08:40:00.001-05:00

Happy 2012, my friends!

I took a brief hiatus from blogging while we enjoyed Christmas and New Year's together as a family. Lots of game-playing, movie-watching, and snuggling were in order, and that left little to no time to do much else. Even though it feels like Christmas and New Year's came and went in a flash, we thoroughly enjoyed our extra family time together!

Having some time off from work also meant getting a little project done. Two years ago we took on our upstairs bathroom head-on: tub, vanity, walls, plumbing...the whole bathroom got a facelift. BUT, our paint color selection wasn't the best. After we were done, neither Hubby nor I really liked how the bathroom looked, and neither one of us wanted to admit it to the other. The truth finally came out a few months ago, and we decided to change it up.

Here are a few before pics (well, not really "before"...more like "during"):

The wall color was called "Cracker Bits"...a little too graham crackery for us.

Chocolate brown trim...sounded good at the time, but made the room feel like a s'more.

A certain little girl loves to help her Daddy-O paint!

And here's the final project - lighter walls, cream-colored trim, and a light blue shower curtain. Feels much more cozy to me!

Aaand I'm realizing that the pictures don't do Hubby and Danae's handiwork any justice. Trust me, we're much happier with this outcome! :)

On tap for this weekend: a visit from Nana, which means Danae gets her nails painted (a favorite thing to do with her Nana) and tonight is Date Night for Curt and me. Yay!

A "what if" kind of week

2011-12-23T10:30:00.002-05:00

I love celebrating Christmas and the birth of Jesus with my little family. I love that my kiddos know Christmas is about Jesus and that Santa, (while he's a fun character and we do take part in Santa-like festivities), is not the focal point.

The holidays, however, tend to stir up emotions deep down, as any parent who has had to give a child back to the Lord will tell you. I can't help but think about how another little boy should be here, with presents under the tree. He should be seeing his stocking hung on the mantle, right next to the others. I should be dressing him the same as his big brother, matching sweaters and all. Honestly, while I do have mostly good days and try not to dwell on this, some days just plain hurt.

( I like to put the kids' stockings in age order, but Danae wanted Josiah's in the middle.)

(Lovingly made by my mother-in-law...what skill!)

This week has been full of "what if's"...What if Josiah were still here? What would life be like with a six year old, three year old, and almost two year old? Would my boys like sharing a room? Would Josiah look like the little boy I met earlier this week...the younger sibling of one of Danae's classmates who will be two years old in January? I knew it deep down when his mother told me his birthday is next month. "Which day?", I asked, while thinking, Don't say the 27th. Don't say the 27th. Sure enough, she did say the 27th, making this little boy and my Josiah birthday true buddies.

I try hard not to analyze too much or dwell on things. I want to be grateful that my son doesn't have to suffer with sickness and complications here on earth. Trust me, I do see God's hand in all of this and realize His grace. In the end, though, we all still miss his presence.

So, I ask for prayers during this season, as well as next month when we celebrate Josiah's second birthday in Heaven. And I ask also for prayers for friends and families that you know who are also missing their babes. The emotions tend to be the same.

Holiday decorating and memories

2011-11-30T13:30:00.000-05:00

I love getting our Christmas tree and dressing up our house the weekend after Thanksgiving. Going through the ornaments and talking about where they came from, watching my kids' faces glow with enjoyment at putting up candy canes and stockings, having candles in my windows and remembering how much I loved falling asleep with them on when I was young. The memories and tradition of it all is just so wonderful to me!
This past weekend proved no different. In fact, there was an unexpected addition to it all that evoked even more childhood memories:

There's my little Caedon, his body burning up in fever and dealing with strep throat and the horrible rash that comes with it. He would hang some ornaments, sip a drink, hang some more, lay down, go play with toys, lay down some more...that's pretty much how Saturday went for the poor kid.

And when I looked over at him, my mind instantly went back to a Christmas season over 25 years ago, when my childhood friend Amanda was at my house, decorating and hanging up ornaments with me, my mom, and Grandma Markey. It was probably late afternoon when both of us started to not feeling well, and we each laid down on different couches near the tree, falling asleep. Both of us came down with the flu that afternoon...both sick on Christmas tree set-up day. I have such a hard time remembering things from my childhood, so it's funny how I can remember the feelings and people from that afternoon. :)

(Amanda and I, in the middle...she's the one with the great tan. I'm the pale kid with the rosy cheeks.)

I hope you are making Christmas memories of your own and enjoying this time of year!

My 3 year old and bedtime

2011-11-21T23:33:00.001-05:00

Initial findings indicate he didn't go to sleep right away. Instead, he trashed his sister's bookcase, played with toys, and passed out in the hallway almost two hours after bedtime. This seems to be his nightly routine lately.

Time to intervene.

November Update

2011-11-18T15:55:00.023-05:00

So much to say, with so little time! For whatever reason, life has kicked into high-gear, and the holidays aren't even here yet. Maybe I'll just give you a preview of life and what it's like to be inside my brain these days:

* Puppies: We are down to only three (YES! Count 'em: 1, 2, 3!) little eight-week-old pups in our house, and all three leave tomorrow morning! Whenever I look back over the past eight weeks, I wonder how in the world we maintained sanity with 10 dogs and 4 people in one house. No, seriously...even though the dogs were kept in one room (that needs a complete makeover anyway) or were outside all day on warmer days, between the smell, the mess they create, and the time it takes to feed and clean up after them, sometimes I felt like I was at my breaking point. And if you know me, I can usually juggle many things at one time, so admitting that I was ready to lose it is saying a lot! Yes, the puppies are super cute, and just like I tell my kiddos, they are lucky they are! :o) In the end, I am just SO thankful that God brought along the right people for these dogs. And for the record, we won't be breeding again until AT LEAST spring of 2013...if not later or never. :o) Next up in the doggy world: a special bath/grooming for Lucy, and maybe we'll throw in a little toy. ;o)

* Kindergarten: My daughter is doing really, really well in her first year of school. Scratch that...she's kicking butt! We had her parent/teacher conference two weeks ago, and Danae has met the reading goal for the year, as well as the number & letter recognition goals. Since our state has adopted the Common Core standards, math concepts will be introduced at the Kindergarten level within the next few months...to which Danae will be very excited. (In the spring she was asking if she would be learning more math in kindergarten...yes, we know, we have an over-achiever on our hands.) ;o) For a few weeks we were dealing with crying before school, not wanting to go, complaints of being bored...but Danae seems to be over that now. I think her pediatrician telling her (at her six-year check up last month) that she won't be as bored next year in 1st grade and that she should look at Kindergarten as a "really fun play time" really helped Danae get over it. I also see in Danae the anxieties and home-sickness that I experienced as a kid, so that is playing a role, too. Ahh, yes, what a joy it is to see your shortcomings and personality glitches in your offspring! ;o) FYI: 6-year-old pics coming soon!

* My little man: Boy, oh, boy...does my son know how to work my heart! Caedon has superbly mastered the art of cuteness, and lately a little hug and flash of his dimpled grin gets him many things - a little piece of chocolate before dinner, extra snuggle time, sleeping in our bed here and there, extra tv time. Dude, this kid is one lucky boy! I'm not sure if it's because he's my youngest (and more-than-likely last), but while I try hard not to baby him (trust me, he gets his fair share of correction!), I also can't help but bend the rules here and there. My favorite part is when he gets that little piece of candy, and then sometimes asks for one for his sister, too. Yes! They sometimes DO look out for each other!

* Hubby: He's alive and hasn't fallen off of any roofs in a while. ;o) As indicated by my previous post, Hubs celebrated his 32nd birthday last week, complete with dinner out, a cookie cake (that had the most amount of icing I'd EVER seen), and a few presents. One of his favorites would have to be this little beauty, drawn by Danae:

Aww, how cute, you say? Look a little closer...see that person to the right, with the big red mouth wiiide open? Danae says that's me, her Mama. And the feature that made this masterpiece her Daddy-O's favorite? The bumblebees around Danae's mama, stinging her. Yup...this drawing was Hubby's favorite, earning the cherished spot of front-and-center on the refrigerator. (Maybe if I gave in to Danae like I do to Caedon, I wouldn't be the one stung by bees...just a thought.)

In other news, Hubs is also up for eldership at church. He won't know for sure until the end of the month, but it looks like he will be serving more...meaning more time away from home/the kiddos/each other. We prayed that God would just shut the door and not make this happen if it wasn't meant to be, but things seems to be falling into place. Hubby feels really comfortable doing this, and while we know it's a big time commitment, we're confident it will work. :o)

* Me: Well, since I'm here typing, you know I'm still alive, too! :o) Besides working part-time (partly in the office, partly from home), I've been trying to keep up with the house and dogs, maintain my kiddos, spend a little time with friends and the youth group, fit runs in and figure out what upcoming races we'll be doing, keep a girls' lacrosse club running, and now I'm adding School Board Director to the mix. No, really...as of election day last week, it's official: CV School Board, you are stuck with me for the next four years! I'm thankful that one of our dear neighbors is also on the Board, and I'm familiar with most of the other members...but honestly, some days I look at myself and think, "Woah...I am TOTALLY under-qualified for this." It excites me to learn more, grow, and do more for the schools and community, and that's what drove me to slap my name on the ballot for the primaries back in May. But, to be honest, sometimes I feel intimidated. Scared about what others might think/say about me. Unsure if I'll "fit the bill" and meet the expectations. We had been praying (just like for Curt being an elder) that if this is not part of God's plan, that He'd shut the doors and not make this happen...but it did, and I'm very comfortable taking on this position and know it will balance into the rest of "life". Now I just need to work on getting over the "nervousness and insecurity" part!

So there you have it...our family update! Hopefully I didn't overwhelm you, and hopefully your life isn't overwhelming YOU! I realize God gives each of us what He knows we can handle, and we all need to realize that it's not the same for everyone. May you find the balance in your life, maintain it, and live each day to the best of your ability, using your God-given talents for what He made you to do!

Happy birthday!

2011-11-09T15:58:00.000-05:00

In the midst of the mayhem (and boy, has it ever been!), we are pausing to say Happy Birthday to my hubby/our Daddy-O...

...so hard-working, quiet, caring, teaches our babes with patience and love...

...he deserves so much and doesn't ask for anything.

Happy birthday, Curt!

Only 4 left!

2011-10-25T07:00:00.000-04:00

Our puppies are growing fast!

At only 4 1/2 weeks old, they are super cute and playful.

We only have 4 available (three males and one female), so if you know anyone that's interested, send them our way!

Purebred, ready to go starting November 11.

You know you want one to cuddle with. ;o)

6 years

2011-10-16T09:05:00.001-04:00

Happy 6th Birthday...

...to my beautiful first-born.

It's unbelievable how quickly six years can go by, but they do!

My girl went from baby to little girl to becoming a little lady. A cutie who loves Jesus and loves giving to others. So smart and realistic that, some days, it feels like I'm reasoning with a teenager. ;o)

Happy birthday, Danae! We love you SO much!

The Boys and Bible Stories

2011-10-13T14:36:00.000-04:00

I could sit all morning and watch these two chat about a children's Bible book over a cup of coffee (for Caedon, it's a cup of soy milk). ;o)

There's something about the way my boy's face lights up, mainly when the story involves soldiers, fights, or animals of any kind. He's in the "fascinated by bad guys" stage, so stories like David & Goliath are right up his alley.

His Daddy is the same way...great at story-telling, total boy to the heart. Two peas in a pod, I tell ya. If you know them in person, you understand!

Seasons of Life: Puppies

2011-09-27T15:55:00.000-04:00

We are still here, living and breathing in our corner of the world!

Life has been quite

FULL

these days. I realize I say that often, and times when I miss 2-3 weeks of blogging, that's my go-to excuse. But, seriously...with school starting and teacher meetings and class projects and crazy amounts of rain and flooding and work schedules changing and school board meetings and youth group and church small group starting up again and Fair season here in Lancaster County (you CAN'T forget about Fair season!), blogging sometimes does need to take a backseat while I figure out how to navigate what can look like a grand mess. I know it's a season of life, and things will slow down and be normal again soon enough. So, pardon me for the short breaks! ;o)

On top of all the floods and newness these days, our Lucy-girl contributed her own litter of excitement last Thursday...in the form of nine puppies!

Yes, nine...9! We have 5 males and 4 females.

Crazy, yes...but you can't deny the cuteness or the urge to snatch one up and go snuggle for a while. (By the way they do make excellent snuggling buddies in these first few weeks.)

My kiddos love the opportunity to hold the puppies...and Lucy doesn't seem to mind for the most part. (I think she realizes they are in her business 24/7 anyway!)

This job is rather easy for us...until it's time to transition them to puppy food. Then we'll have our hands full for about 2-3 weeks. But, again...it's for a season, and they will be gone before we know it (the week before Thanksgiving, to be exact). ;o)

I hope you are enjoy your season, no matter where you might be!

I kinda like being an island...but not for long

2011-09-09T08:38:00.004-04:00

When it rains, it pours...

...and POUR did it EVER!

Days of heavy rain turned many local roads into rivers here in central PA, some flowing and some just standing still, the already over-soaked ground unable to keep up.

Our normally busy road, with tractor trailers and drivers flying by at 50 MPH when they should be doing 35 or less, (PENNDOT, get ready...I'll be writing!), was very quiet yesterday. And this was why:

Flooding, less than a quarter mile in one direction...

...aaand flooding a quarter mile in the other direction.


All the trash and debris (and trash receptacles) that floated down from people's homes and from the park

Essentially, our little town/village turned into an island all its own for a day...and I LOVED it (except for our normal running routes being under water)! No vehicles on our road (except for the onlookers and those who couldn't figure out how to get around), neighbors milling about, kids in the middle of the street...

(Yes, yes...they were already told that this isn't something they get to do everyday. What kind of mother do you think I am? Sheesh!)

We were rather fortunate...just a little water in the basement, wetting several plastic containers. Easily cleanable. Others, though (including my brother-in-law and sister-in-law) are dealing with rain into the first floor of their homes (or even covering their homes), forcing evacuations. And still several others are dealing with severe loss, such as the family in our county whose 8 year old died in front of their home, sucked into a storm drain. Oh, how my heart hurts for them.

So, while the rain waters recede, the schools re-open, and the clean up begins...remember to lend a helping hand and check in on others. While it was nice to be an island for one day, reality eventually comes back and things go back to normal for most of us...but not for all.

I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something I can do.

- Edward Everett Hale

I am that type of mother

2011-09-02T07:50:00.001-04:00

Four days into the kindergarten school year, and so far so good for my little girl! She loves school and makes it known to her little brother that she doesn’t miss him one bit during her mornings away. Little does she know that the poor boy misses her more than he lets on. Ah, the joys of sibling relationships.

Through all of this change and adjustment, I’m quickly learning more about myself this week…what makes me tick and what I need to change in myself. Here’s the short list:

Since having children, I have accepted the fact that I’m usually 5-10 minutes late for most things. Heck, some people call it being “fashionably late”, or what I like refer to as “fashionably on time.” My lovely friend Sarah and I practice this frequently, knowing that whenever we plan to meet, just tack on 5-10 (in her case, I tack on 15-25). J However, the school bus and its meticulously planned pick-up route know NOTHING about this common practice. Actually, I take that back. They DO know about it, but it applies only to them and not to me or anyone else. The bus can arrive 5 minutes early, right on time, or 5 minutes late…and I’m the one who needs to comply, not vice versa. While we haven’t missed the bus (yet), there already were two mornings this week that involved rushing around, frantic hair brushing, carrying a boy in pj’s and no shoes, and getting to the bus stop within 1-2 minutes of Big Yellow’s arrival.

I have been severely spoiled over the past two years. On days that I go to work, our friend/neighbor/babysitter Dianna has been the breakfast-giver and sometimes child-dresser in the mornings. Now, it’s me who needs to pull it together and get the kids (and myself) dressed, fed, and out the door on time. And again, as mentioned in #1, it’s a tight deadline!

Stress makes me do funny things. Like break out in “Ice, Ice, Baby” when my son asks for ice in his water. Or literally break out in hives (or some kind of itchy bumps) around my neck. Or not realize until it’s faaar too late that the “ground turkey” I thawed out and was trying to cook over the stove for tacos was actually ham loaf. Or not answer emails for weeks on end, then completely forget about them and tick people off. You know, stuff like that.

So, yes, I am THAT mother…the one that I scoffed at in the past and thought, “That woman better get her act together”…the one that I wrongly judged and I swore I’d never be. I think I had myself fooled all these years, thinking I’m some sort of organized phenom. In actuality, I keep things clean (vacuum, dust, etc.) and love to multi-task, but I stink at holding it all together when under pressure and a lot of stress in a short amount of time. My Wonder Woman hat (and boots…yes, I do have Wonder Woman rain boots) seems to be taking a break lately. Oh, Proverbs 31 woman, how in the world did you do it??

First Day of Kindergarten - A Poem

2011-08-29T07:15:00.003-04:00

T’was the morning of Kindergarten, and all through the house

My dear daughter chatted excitedly, like a little mouse.

Her backpack prepared and zipped up with care,

In hopes that the school bus would soon be there.

Danae settled for breakfast, and while trying to eat,

Had visions of the playground and wondered, “Who will I meet?”

Her dad long gone to work and I, reliving the past,

Could not wrap my brain around how this happened so fast.

We always talked about school, how Kindergarten would be here,

How the bus would arrive and my girl would have no fear.

She’s as smart as they come and we always knew she’d excel;

Really, the hardest part is hugging her and saying “Farewell.”

It’s letting go of a piece of you, bidding babyhood adieu,

Trusting God to keep her safe and trying something new.

It’s praying for good friends and for Danae to be one, too,

Hoping she’ll remember that showing love is what we do.

So as we let go of the last bits of summer and send my little girl off to school,

I’m praying I remember my sunglasses and don’t look like a sobbing fool.

If I’m a mess then she will be, so I know I need to stay calm.

My goodness, if it’s like this for Kindergarten, what will I do for her Senior Prom?!

Oh how quickly they grow up

2011-08-20T06:45:00.002-04:00

I feel like I need to make myself a t-shirt: “I survived Kindergarten Orientation…and I didn’t cry (in public)”

(I might need another one on the first day of school…that one will need to say “Please hug me.")

:o)

Yes, orientation went very, very well this past week. My little girl was excited from the moment she woke up, and we chatted happily all morning about what she’d get to do that day. She spoke with other kids, toured her classroom and tried out the playground (and shocked me when she called out “Hey Mom!” and went across the monkey bars BY HERSELF). The kindergartners then went on a bus ride with the teachers, leaving us parents behind to watch through the lobby windows, wonder how in the world the last 5 years went by so quickly, and tear up a bit without completely losing it in front of everyone else. (Hey, I KNOW I wasn’t the only one who was working hard to keep it together…I verified that feeling by asking the mom next to me. She confirmed.)

Don't get me wrong - I love that Danae is excited and ready for school. She might be a little worried the first morning, but I know she will do well and love it. The problem in all of this is me...my inability to "let go"...my distrust of complete strangers knowing how my daughter works and how to take care of her the way I do...my anxiety of Danae facing the "not-so-pleasant" moments with other nasty children.

I think it's also that I see my daughter getting on that bus and going to school as another milestone of her growing up and leaving babyhood behind. Not to be so pessimistic, but let's face it: when our kids go to school, they hear words they've never heard before, stories they should probably never hear, and bring that stuff home. Our job as parents - teaching our babes right from wrong and guiding them in the right direction - becomes increasingly difficult as they grow up. The challenge is here! :o)

So, for the next 9 days, I plan on hugging my girl, playing lots, and continually reminding her of who she is and how to be a loving friend. Then, I'll give her a big hug, put her on the school bus for the first time, and just pray that she's safe and she remembers how to love as Jesus loves. That's pretty much all that we can do as parents...that and go home and have a good cry over a cup of coffee. ;o)

Our Fruit Trees

2011-08-03T06:00:00.000-04:00

This week we shared the first peach from the fruit trees we planted last fall, in memory of Josiah.

As we would call them, Josiah's Trees.

:o)

Happy 3rd to my boy!

2011-07-31T00:01:00.001-04:00

Today we are celebrating the 3rd birthday of my little man, Caedon!

My creative, fun-loving, imaginative, "My-Daddy's-my-hero" little boy! He's my snuggler, yet he can turn into a rough-and-tumble, typical teasing little brother at the drop of a hat. So much like his Daddy in so many ways...

He's the ruler-breaker...probably the one who will see how far he can get away with things and how creative he can be at making things go his way. He's the charmer who can flash his dimpled grin and melt me almost instantaneously. And he still doesn't sit still for pictures long enough for me to get him smiling at the camera. :) But I'll take his boyish charm any day over a perfectly set picture!

So Happy 3rd Birthday, big boy! You are loved OH so much by so many!

18 months

2011-07-26T17:18:00.007-04:00

Just a few days ago Danae asked me if Josiah would be walking and running around if he were here with us today. She said, "I think he would be running all around here, taking Caedon's toys. And I think Caedon would be getting mad and pushing him down."

A year and a half has passed, and we all still think of our Josiah very often. My earthly babes refer to him as their brother...when asked how many people are in her family, Danae usually says 5...here and there, Caedon asks for Josiah and when he will get to see him.

Just a few weeks ago, a wonderful friend recently gave me an article written by Sarah and Steve Berger, whose son Josiah (how fitting) died in a car accident at the age of 19. Sarah wrote the following:

"It amazed me that the word absent means 'to immigrate,' and the word present means 'to be in your home country.' Josiah truly has immigrated to his new home country. Because we fully believe that Josiah is alive and present with the Lord, the words 'loss,' 'lost,' and 'death' aren't words we use around our house. We haven't lost anything, and nobody is dead. We know exactly where our son is, and he is very alive....What powerful truth in times of grief and sorrow: Our loved ones are alive, and they are home with the Lord."

Yes, this is the truth we know deep down. While it doesn't completely take away the sadness or the thoughts of how our boys would probably be wrestling, fighting, lining up cars together, and vying for their Daddy-O's attention, or how Danae would be making her little brothers play house and shoving them into her dress-up dresses...while knowing the truth doesn't mean our hearts are completely fixed and healed, it definitely soothes the soul to have gentle reminders that our youngest is alive, not lost, and one day we will be reunited.

:)

I'm a Brooklynite at heart

2011-07-26T06:59:00.009-04:00

Every time we go to the city of my birth, my heart skips a beat and my driving seems to get a little more offensive than it normally is. ;o) Could it be the bridges? Or the sites to take in? Maybe reminiscing on Grandma Markey's apartment and going there as a child when Dad still worked in the city? Ahh, memories!

This past weekend proved no different. We celebrated my cousin's wedding on Friday night, in the record 107° heat. In a church without the A/C turned on. Yeah, you read that one right...imagine sweat dripping from places you didn't know it could drip from, big fans to circulate the hot air, and men with handkerchiefs glued to their foreheads...and everyone in tuxes/suits or nice dresses. And it was all totally worth it to see Keith and Brianne get married!

The gorgeous couple!

My dad, my uncle (dad's only brother), and my mama

The wedding was followed by a reception at one of the most awesome reception locations I think we have ever been to. Giando on the Water, literally right on the water between the Williamsburg Bridge and the Manhattan Bridge, with the Brooklyn Bridge and Empire State Building all within site. Seriously, coolest location EVER. Plus, it was in the neighborhood where my Mama grew up, so it was even more meaningful.

Good food, great times with family that we, unfortunately, don't get to see much...and dancing, dancing, dancing! Hubby isn't much of a dancer, but he knew my inner need to be on the dance floor and ended up wanting to be out there more than I did! (He didn't have on shoes that made his pinky toe feel like it was going to explode.)

The Markey clan!

We also got to party with John Stamos...Uncle Jesse! :o) (Okay, okay...if it wasn't him, it was definitely his doppelganger!)

We stayed in the city that night and spent Saturday exploring Manhattan: Times Square, most of the neighborhoods, lots of stores (not a lot of buying), and all of Central Park. No, really...we walked and ran some of the park, then biked the entire park. So fun, despite the heat!

Hot, sweaty, but definitely tons of fun and much needed! Brooklyn family, we NEED another get-together soon!

The littlest mohawk

2011-07-13T14:28:00.004-04:00

There once was this adorable, almost-three-year-old, rough-and-tumble little boy...

...who loves his bear blankie, stuffed dinosaur, and any animal toy...

...who actually got tired of the itchiness of having longer hair and the shampooing that his mama required so she could get him smelling good...

...who sat still just long enough for his mama to cut his hair and give him a mohawk.

Now his big sister is asking if girls can have mohawks, too.

:)

Beach Day

2011-07-01T16:43:00.009-04:00

I love days like today...

...days when the beach is what we have planned and not much else...

...when I watch my kids playing in the sun and sand, and I'm transported back to my childhood of fruit-eating, sun-soaking, happy beach days ...

...when Hubby is reminded that, if my parents ever decide to move, then a beach house is greatly desired in my future. ;o)

Hubby vs. The Roof

2011-06-24T12:39:00.004-04:00

Did you know that we have an amazing God?

For those who don't know, Curt fell off a porch roof yesterday afternoon while at work, resulting in a trip to the ER, EKG's, x-rays, IV, etc. While at first the doctors thought he broke a rib (due to the pain Curt had when breathing), they were actually fine. He didn't even have any head, neck, or back injuries. Not even bruising! He did, however, dislocate and break his left wrist.

Again, he fell off a roof and walked away with a broken wrist.

I don't know what you think, but that could only be God. There happened to be a dirt pile at the bottom of this roof, and Curt happened to land in that pile instead of the ground or the cement. While he did end up with a face, ears, and mouth full of dirt...and a sensitive reaction to the opiates and other drugs they put in his IV (mental note: drugs in Hubby=vomiting)...and saying some funny stuff to us while come out of the conscious sedation...I'm pretty sure he'll take all that instead of what could have happened!

So, please join us in praying for Curt's wrist surgery that is scheduled for today at 5pm. Pray that no trauma patients show up (which would bump his surgery back to tonight or tomorrow). Pray that he doesn't react to the meds like he did last night in the hospital. And pray that this surgery will fix everything and give a positive prognosis for him. If you know us, you know that we don't sit still very long - we run, bike, swim, hit baseballs in the yard with our kids almost every night, ride a motorcycle...and it will probably be difficult to do all that for a little while. :(

Thank you!

Meagan, the High School Graduate

2011-06-18T00:01:00.004-04:00

Today my eldest niece Meagan graduates from high school.

From diapers to high school?

Where have the past 18 1/2 years gone?! You may not understand how crazy this is to me. I still clearly remember (and for me, that's saying a lot) the day Meg was born. I was in 8th grade and got to stay home from school that day because my mom took my sister to the hospital in the night. I remember being up early, just waiting for that phone to ring...to hear whether or not I would get to hold and show off to my friends a baby boy or girl. The questions were answered when the phone rang shortly after 11:16am and my dad and I picked up different phones in the house to hear a baby crying in the background and my mom tell us we had a girl.

Yes, I said "we". Meagan has grown up around so many of us in our family, at different times in her life. Many of us had the privilege of feeding her, snuggling her to sleep at night, changing her diaper (yes, people...that can be a privilege!), putting her on the school bus, having deep conversations with her, and watching her grow into a beautiful, extremely smart, and much-loved young woman. Not only is she my sister's daughter, she is, in a way, part of all of us who helped play a role in raising her.

This day we honor you, my Meg...Happy Graduation Day to you. We are so, so proud of you and know you are going to do so much more in the years to come! Never forget where you came from, and know that you are loved!

I've been finding these guys in my fridge a lot these days...

2011-06-13T22:35:00.005-04:00

Caedon says they are "bad guys". He puts them in right before nap time, almost every afternoon. Death by refrigeration, I guess. ;o)

I've finally been to Boston (in the Spring)

2011-06-08T13:39:00.005-04:00

While Memorial Day weekend may have started out with a bloody head and a trip to the ER (see previous post), it turned out to be an enjoyable and memorable one.

The kiddos had a fantastic time with Nana and Papa (and got to see aunts and uncles), while Hubby and I took our first trip by ourselves in a severely long time. As in, we have never left both kids and went away (so that would be at least 3 years).

We were Boston-bound by 6am that Saturday morning:

Yes, on a motorcycle. And yes, that pack on the back is all that we took with us. It was a bit difficult for the planner/preparer in me to not take everything I could possibly need, but Hubby kept reminding me that there ARE stores in Boston in case we need to get medicine or Band-Aids. :)

Ahh, Boston...this was my first trip there (Hubby's second), and it was wonderful! For several weeks we were planning and talking about what to see, where to go, what to do...and we did it ALL. I mean, from Hopkinton to the North End to Downtown to Cambridge to Chinatown, we walked everywhere (including parts of the marathon course), rode the subway, ate the food, took in Harvard,

held a pastry box as if we were in an episode of Seinfeld,

(Cobblestone streets of the North End...don't you just love it?!)

loved the history,

and just took in the culture and beauty of the city. We laughed like kids again and enjoyed being together and talking...and actually got to finish conversations! This was surely a trip we'll never forget, and one that we will definitely do again.

But maybe in the car next time. I'm not so sure my back and bottom can handle another 5+ hour ride on a motorcycle. ;o)

Fall Risk

2011-05-31T23:19:00.005-04:00

I don't think the bracelet was needed. The head told the story perfectly well.

This is how we started out Memorial Day weekend: an early Friday morning visit to the ER after my little man fell off a curb and hit his head on the ground. Now, I knew a head injury could bleed...but seriously?! That was enough to make me jittery for the rest of the day!

(This is one of the better/not looking as bad pictures...about an hour after the fall)

Thank the Lord, though, a little super glue did the trick, and Caedon was back to his "let's go play dinosaurs and turn everything I touch into a pretend gun" self.

Given my son's gender and his history of accidents and sickness, (dare we forget the severely burned hand incident), I'm pretty sure this wasn't our last ER trip!

Busyness...and the arrival of Kindergarten!

2011-05-19T07:29:00.004-04:00

Wow...again, apologies for the long absence! It seems like when life gets busy, getting my thoughts ~~down on paper~~ typed on the computer takes a major backseat...probably not healthy for this brain of mine. Let me know if you notice twitching when you see me. ;o)

Every March through May gets this way: working at one job while trying to prepare for the upcoming summer lacrosse program with my other job. (I am fortunate enough to have some side work where I administrate a girls' lacrosse club from home.) Don't get me wrong: I am not complaining in the least! I love being busy and having variety in my work and life, but I realize the importance of reflecting, relaxing, and slowing it down a bit. I'm so thankful that this "crazy busy season" with the lacrosse club (filled with rostering, registering, scheduling, tons of emails each day, several phone calls each day, and LOTS of paperwork) lasts two months and then slows to a trickle!

Besides work, I've been mentally preparing for the arrival of Kindergarten. Yes, it's going to take me a few months to be okay with having a child in school, so I'd better start now! Danae had her Kindergarten screening recently, which went well for her. Me, on the other hand...I teared up most of the morning, trying hard to not let the school principal and other teachers see me make a fool of myself. Seriously, if I reacted like that on the Kindergarten screening day, what will I be like on the first day of school?? Note to self: take that day off of work. I have to admit: accepting that my oldest will be a kindergartener in a few months has been hard for me to swallow. Danae has always been with me, whether it be to a friend's house or to the grocery store, and pretty soon that time spent together will be less. I'm happy that she's SO SO excited about going to school, but I'm going to miss my baby!

And what on earth will I do with this little boy who is already saying that his sister can't go to school because he wants her to stay home and play with him all day long?? My guess: lots and lots of baseball, Matchbox cars, and snuggling. :o)

My Cookie (and Lunch) Monster

2011-05-03T08:00:00.000-04:00

I think I've told you about my sneaky little soon-to-be three year old boy, right?

You know, the cute one who likes to eat food here and there (usually when it's convenient for him)?

Here's another story about the boy I'm referring to:

On the mornings I go to work, I try so hard to stay organized and focused. The kids have their clothing laid out the night before. Hubby leaves for work at 6:45am, so I then get my lunch ready, maybe file or clean something, then get myself and the kids ready and out the door by 8:00am. I tend to get the kids ready and send them downstairs while I finish up.

This morning went as planned...except that when Danae and I came downstairs, we found this:

There stood our little Eating Machine, polishing off a Ziplock bag of recently made chocolate chip bars. (I think the bag had three or four bars left in it...somewhere around there.)

I just had to laugh and find the camera. After capturing this memory, though, I gathered my lunch bag and purse to head out the door...and realized he had also eaten part of my lunch. Game-changer.

Try using that excuse on your boss as to why you're 5-10 minutes late for work. "Yeah, uh...my son ate my lunch, so I had to scramble and find more food to throw in my bag and clean up the mess of crumbs, chocolate, bread, and Ziplock bags he left on the floor." Has a kind of "The dog ate my homework" type of ring to it, don't you think? :o)

Gotta love that boy! (And his cute big sister, too!)

Words of wisdom...from Papa

2011-04-30T09:38:00.007-04:00

Caedon: Hey Papa...you wanna play baseball with me?
Papa: Sure, I'll throw a couple.

(while in the backyard)

Caedon: I wanna go in front of the house.
Me: No, buddy, let's stay back here.
Papa: Yeah...the cars will hit you out front.

The truth, spoken only as Papa knows how. :o)

Potty-training Corner-turning

2011-04-18T21:00:00.000-04:00

Newsflash to all bloggy readers out there: We may have turned a corner in the little man's potty training!

Unbe-stinkin'-lievable!

Sometime last week, while I was changing Caedon's diaper (pooped, by the way), we had a little conversation that went like this:

Caedon: Mommy, are you using baby wipes on me?
Me: Why, yes, I am!
Caedon: But I'm not a baby, I'm a big boy.
Me: The first step is admitting it, man.

Maybe it was my biting sarcasm. Or that Caedon suddenly has a desire to enjoy life as a "big boy". Or maybe it was God whispering in his ear, "Hey man...get your act together, ditch the diapers, and listen to your mama and daddy."

Any which way it was, I believe we are making some progress! He has been wearing his Spiderman underwear (courtesy of Nana and Papa) :) for a few days in a row. And while Spiderman's face does experience a flood of pee from time to time, the little man is definitely keeping those undies dry for a good part of the day. We just needed to convince him to take play breaks and get to the toilet in time. Yes, it was more so that WE were the ones trained to take him to the potty, not vice versa. For some reason, playing with Matchbox cars and dinosaurs and teasing his big sister and crashing into things is waaay more important than aiming for the potty at this age. Huh...you don't say! ;o)

But today...well, today was the real kicker! My little boy stayed dry ALL.DAY.LONG. In underwear. At our babysitter/friend/neighbor's house! And (get this!) he was the one who said he needed to use the potty, instead of being told every hour that he needs to make the trip to the porcelain throne!

We've definitely turned some sort of corner!

And while I am excited that my Caedon is becoming a little boy and I think he's stinkin' cute in little boy undies, there's a part of me that feels a little sad to hit this milestone with my last baby. I'll be grateful for a reduced Wal-Mart bill, (well, it will be until he hits puberty and starts eating like an animal), but it's hard realizing that these years go by so fast and you don't get them back. The saying that "time flies" totally rings true in those first few years with your kiddos!

Anywho, I'll be sure to share more tales from Caedon's potty-training adventures in the coming weeks!

Days like today...and I told you I'm a list-maker

2011-04-07T16:41:00.007-04:00

It's days like today...

- when I wake up oh-so-tired after a night of restless sleep...

- when work is so beyond stressful that I just feel like leaving my desk and taking a little trip across the street to Quips...

- when I feel like I can't get it right and wonder why God has me at the job I'm at...

- when yet another earthquake hits an already hurting Japan and you wonder what effects this one will have...

- when the tied-up traffic almost doubles the commute time home...

- when that guy just cut me off on purpose...

- when I get a great "potty report" from the babysitter, only for my son to pee in his pants and rain boots the second we step foot on our property...

- when I come back into the bathroom with fresh clothes for said little boy, only to find poop on the floor, on his foot, and possibly on his hands (to which he confessed only after he touched me)...

- when my impatient responses are not what they should be...

- when I feel lonely and friendless...

- when Hubby's truck has to go baaack to the mechanic because it's still giving him problems...

- when the worries of life seem to outnumber the joys of my heart...

...it's times like this that God usually provides a song that serves as a gentle reminder to me. It came on the radio while I was lost in thought and getting dinner ready:

In Christ ALONE, my hope is found
HE is my light, my strength, my song

This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

He always seems to remind me, usually through music, that I'm not living this life for myself, for my bosses, for my children, for my husband, for my friends or family. ~~I'm~~ We're supposed to be living for HIM and putting our hopes, worries, regrets, and anxieties in HIM, not in this world or in others. And I say "we" because it not only applies to me, but also to YOU!

This means:

* remembering that He has me at this job for a purpose.

* working as if I were working for the Lord.

* fulfilling my roles in this life with a cheerful heart, not one that is burdened and focused on myself.

* always loving the "unlovable", no matter what.

* if I ask God to give me more patience (especially with the little people in my house!), then I better wake up and realize the opportunities are there.

* TRUSTING in His plan (even if that means Caedon will still be wearing diapers in middle school). ;o)

* remembering that He always loves and we are not alone.

(I've always said I love lists. Can't ya tell?) ;o)

Women's Retreat and Declutterification

2011-03-30T07:31:00.003-04:00

By the looks of this post title, I've been reading a bit too much Dr. Seuss.

Anywho...

After a great weekend away with women from our church, I'm still adjusting to "normal" life: making my own breakfast and coffee and eating it in-between getting two kiddos dressed and out the door by 8:00am, and not getting a second cup of coffee, and no one to sit at a table and chat with for an hour; washing the dishes and doing chores every day; going back to work; and, finally, juggling everyone's schedule with my own. It's l.o.v.e.l.y. to have a weekend to do what you want, whenever you want, not clean up puke or toys. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my family...but I think if you had the fun weekend that I had, you would be struggling with reality adjustment, too. Our group of 80 or so ladies spent the weekend eat and drinking, (water, juice, and coffee, people! Did you think I meant...? Get your head out of the gutter! ;o), talking A LOT, laughing EVEN MORE, catching up with one another, and gleaning wisdom from a great speaker. Ahhh, yes...the Keystone Women's Retreat. How I SO look forward to you again in two years! Maybe then I will take the camera AND remember to take pictures with it!

Speaking of the great speaker...her topic was simple and much-needed for many: decluttering, simplifying, and organizing every area of your life...a topic that has been near and dear to my heart over the last several months. I've just felt this need to rid our house and our lives of the extras. We have SO much compared to other people (for example, JAPAN!), and it's part of our U.S. culture to think we need more, more, more when in reality we need to cut back, spend less, and enjoy what we have. This speaker really kicked it into high-gear for me! Here's the link to her blog if you are interested in reading her ideas - Mom by Example.

We started Monday night with the playroom...oh, boy. I told some of the ladies at the retreat that I thought burning it down would be the best solution to solve the clutter problem once and for all. After thinking it through and realizing our homeowner's insurance would probably argue otherwise, ;o) Hubby and I (with some kiddo involvement as well) went through the entire room and put probably 70% of the toys in boxes for 1) a big ol' yard sale this summer and 2) donation. It's so nice that we can walk into that room and not step on toys anymore and also clean up any messes in 5 minutes or less! And the kids still love and play with the toys that stayed in the room!

Next up: Danae's room. My little princess likes to collect/keep the little things: stickers, cool stones from outside, little broken toys that somehow made it to the trash can without her knowledge. ;o) Things like that. On the flip-side, though, Danae also seems to understand when it's time to get rid of things that she doesn't use or need anymore...and she has joined me in the declutterification! Hopefully she won't change her tune when I go through her room after lunch today. ;o)

And as the weeks continue, we plan on going through specific areas of the house and improving. I'll try to take pics and post!

Birthdays, sickness, pinging, and other thoughts

2011-03-25T08:57:00.006-04:00

Does anyone realize that we have only one week left in March? Seriously, how did the first quarter (sorry, I see the year in bookkeeping terms) slip by so quickly?

I'm also not sure how I got to be 32 years of age this month...St. Patty's Day, to be exact. The good thing is that a week or so prior to my birthday, I was convinced that I was 32, turning 33. So, I pretty much gained a year in my head! Yay for my forgetful mind! ;o)

Yes, a St. Patrick's Day birthday. Not quite like having a Christmas birthday or another holiday birthday, but one where you must endure green cards, clothes, hair ties/bows, balloons, and cakes for pretty much the rest of your life, as well as being referenced to as a Leprechaun (or, in my case, a Puerto Rican Leprechaun). ;o) But to be honest with you, I actually LIKE it! One of my favorite birthday cakes as a child was the Cookie Puss cake from Carvel, complete with a bulbous mint ice cream nose. He is in many a childhood birthday photo, as shown here:

4th birthday - pre-frizzy, curly hair

This year was the second year in our marriage that Hubby surprised me with good ol' Cookie Puss! What a dear, he is! (Hubby, not Cookie Puss.)

Besides celebrating my and several other family members' birthdays this month, we have also had our fair share of sickness. The little man recovered from a double ear infection a few weeks ago, then fought off a stomach virus last weekend, and this morning I awoke early to the sound of screaming and gagging from my little princess. I must say, though, that Danae's aim for the toilet has remarkably improved, whereas Caedon...well, puking on the couch last weekend while sitting right next to me and the puke bucket pretty much ruined his odds. So, yes...my kiddos seem to have the stomach virus that was running rampant about a month or so ago. They were just a little late in catching it. FYI: Did you know that the flu does not present itself with vomiting? If your kid is puking, it's more than likely a virus, NOT the flu. Good to know!

In other non-puky news: In the midst of vacation, birthdays, and vomit, I began a new job this month in the finance/accounting department at a digital signage company. Part-time for now, possibly full-time once the kids are both in school...and it's actually going well so far! I haven't even been there a month, and I feel like I've learned and done half a year's worth of work...which explains why my brain is fried some days and I thought I was turning 33. ;o) Oh, and I also learned, after a week of trying to figure it out, what it means to "ping" someone. I knew what pinging meant in computer terms, but when your boss says he will "ping you", well...I wasn't quite sure if I should run away fast or just see what happened. In the end, it meant he was going to send me an instant message when he was ready to start our meeting. Good to know. :o) Please tell me I'm not the only person on this planet who didn't know what "I'll ping you" meant!

And now I must go and pack for a weekend away at our church's women's retreat! I don't think I have EVER been away from the kiddos AND Hubby for a whole weekend, so this should be interesting. Pray that Hubby and I don't get sick this weekend, and that he survives being on his own with the kiddos! :o)

Florida 2011

2011-03-15T04:00:00.000-04:00

Ladies and gents, thanks SO much for your thoughts, prayers, and notes during our trip to FL. We made it safe and sound, and we are home. And TRUST me, your prayers were needed!

No, seriously. Definitely, absolutely, 100% needed and appreciated!

The trip started last Friday evening...with our little man developing a double ear infection. His doctor called in a prescription, though, and his body began healing overnight...thank God!

We continued on with great weather and great day-trips in the Bradenton area, one of which included several hours on the beach. Ahh, yes...a day on the beach in the beginning of March was definitely needed! Danae planted herself right at the water line for the longest time, and Caedon loved throwing sand at everyone and everything (to which we put a stop to several times).

We swam in this beauty many, many times...

...painted some toe nails...

...spotted a bald eagle on the neighbor's roof...

...and saw lots of alligators.

Aaand then we ended our trip like this:

That would be our family vehicle attached to the back of a U-Haul. We decided to switch it up a bit and see how driving a U-Haul from VA would work. ;o) No, really...our car decided to give out as soon as we arrived at my sister's house in VA on Saturday morning, and this was the only option to get us and the car home. Some sanity was lost, but hey...life goes on and things could be a ton worse! We are alive, we had some relaxation time, and we are very much used to God's sense of humor in our lives. ;o) It was an adventure that will be remembered for years to come!

And we're off!

2011-03-04T15:08:00.004-05:00

See that plane? Nope, we're not on it. ;o)

We are about to embark on a week-long vacation with Hubby's family to FL. But first, we have to d.r.i.v.e. there.

Oh, boy.

I'm not worried about myself or Hubby, and not even my 5-year-old daughter (although she has been graced with the car sickness gene from me, poor kid). It's my 2.5-year-old lovable, huggable, not-so-great-in-the-car little boy. He's a REAL doozy when traveling, I tell ya! The boy loathes being buckled in and having his freedom taken away. He's a mover, shaker, and wrestler at heart...three things that aren't cool to do in a moving vehicle.

So, how will we survive the 18-hour drive? Besides your thoughts and prayers (*hint, hint*), we'll be relying on a portable DVD player, a few Thomas the Tank Engine DVD's (thanks Grandma!!), his Pillow Pet (thanks Nana!!), several Matchbox cars, some more trucks and cars, some other movies, lots of books, and TONS of snacks. My girly girl will have her own stash of books, toys, her VTech V.Reader, and some snacks as well.

Our toiletry bag will be used as a back-up...more specifically, the Benedryl and cold meds that it holds. You just gotta be prepared! I kid, people! But seriously, though, Caedon gets a nightly dose of Benedryl, so that will just come in quite handy, I believe! ;o)

Speaking of my little man...I neglected to mention the horrible rash he has been dealing with over the past two months. No rhyme or reason to it...just bumps and severe itching. The boy has been scratching so much that his back and belly and covered in marks and scabs. I'm talking like skin ripped open stuff...really yucky. :o( After several doctor's visits (and working hard to convince my doctor that I didn't use anything else but Charlie's Soap in my laundry, as usual), Caedon was finally tested this week for food allergies. Well, duh! I seriously felt like kicking myself on Monday when the thought entered my head. Why in the world didn't we think of this sooner? Anywho, the doctor entertained my thoughts, sent him for blood work, and called us yesterday to say that my egg-loving, I-can-eat-three-in-one-sitting son is indeed allergic to eggs.

He has been egg-free since last weekend, and we already see a difference in the itching and in his, uh, excrement, shall we call it. (That was another issue we've been dealing with pretty much since birth. No lie. Blegh.) We are ever so thankful that things are clearing up and and my boy is healing!

So, have a wonderful weekend...and we're off in search of weather that's sunnier and warmer than here in the Northeast!

One of THOSE days...

2011-02-28T13:52:00.003-05:00

I find myself wondering if there will be a full moon tonight, or was there one last night...

...or do rain + warmer temps = children bouncing off the walls + fighting all day long...

...or is it all just ME???

Yes, folks, it has been one of THOSE days. When you look at your kids and wonder who they are, where they came from, and who their mother is. When you find yourself saying and doing things that are completely abnormal. When moving the afternoon nap start time to 9:00am sounds just about perfect.

Today started out great, with my two kiddos plus the sweet little girl I babysit eating breakfast nicely together. Then the sibling fighting started, with the sweet little girl staring at the siblings like they are lunatics. Then it went to arguing. The snatching of toys. The spilling of glitter on the floor that I had juuust vacuumed and mopped.

It led to chasing one another, which led to just running around to get the energy out. But then that led to the somewhat brand new floor lamp getting knocked over and meeting its end, and glass all over the carpet I juuust vacuumed. (Yes, I love to vacuum! It's an obsession.)

That led to me removing hundreds of pieces of glass (then vacuuming again) while trying to keep a rather head-strong little boy off the carpet (who didn't listen, despite warnings of glass in his feet and boo-boos and a hospital visit).

This was all followed by an appointment to drop off kindergarten paperwork, which was preceded by a warning to behave "or else" but was followed by fights over who could look at the fish tank in the secretary's office, hitting, and high-pitched crying.

Lunch was successful, but was quickly followed by ~~Caedon~~ some little boy throwing a wooden train track at the sweet little girl I babysit and making her head bleed. A.LOT. This led to me trying to stay calm but running to get a towel to put on her head. My running led to panic and more crying, followed by calm instructions for my kiddos to get in their beds for nap. (Who knows...my instructions may or may not have been calm by this point.)

All of that was followed by a dab of ointment put on a 1/8-inch cut that had flowed like the Red Sea, followed by three or four concussion tests to make sure the sweet little girl I babysit was still alive and well. (These were mostly for me to calm down...the sweet little girl I babysit had long stopped crying, long stopped bleeding, and looked at me like I was nuts.)

And...

...finally...

...NAP TIME!

The reset button of all reset buttons. When the parents of the world rejoice. When I can piece my thoughts back together, move on, work, and figure out dinner. When I wonder if the parents of said "sweet little girl that I babysit", who happen to be our good friends, will still like me.

And when I pray that the next day is a tad bit less adventurous than this one!

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book. ~Irish Proverb

Healing Is In Your Hands

2011-02-18T15:54:00.004-05:00

A taste of what's on my iPod...one song, but oh SO powerful!

I first heard this song early last year, when emotional and spiritual (even physical!) healing seemed so far away.

Take the time, close your eyes, and listen. She sings of the truth that so many of us have already heard and know about, but still need to be reminded of.

Streams of Consciousness

2011-02-11T12:00:00.001-05:00

Today I sit, on this gloriously sunny yet freezing cold day, with windows wide open, sunshine abundant, fresh air blowing in...God's little reminders that warmer weather will be here soon! While the snow is beautiful and the seasons are a part of life, I still LOVE warmth a whole lot better!

Princess Lucy is loving the sunshine too...quietly moping/sleeping on the playroom floor while her puppies leave this week. Poor girl.

The first puppy of the litter left on Wednesday, and two more leave today. That makes three sold, four to go! While I thought seeing them go would be hard on me and harder on the children, I'm realizing just how tired my head and body are - and overall we are SO SO glad to see them go! Yes, they are beyond adorable and playful...but do you know how much poop those little creatures make?! Three feedings each day, five total trips outside, four cleanings of the dog pen, and now two of them constantly climbing the sides of the cage and escaping. All of it equals one.tired.lady. (That would be me, in case you didn't guess.) Hey, if you know of anyone else that needs/wants of puppy, send them my way! I'm willing to make a deal! Seriously.

We have nothing planned for this weekend...a first for us in a long time. Sounds like some cleaning, organizing, tax preparation, bike riding, and long runs are in order. Wait, that now sounds like plans...ha! Ahh, the things that make my heart sing!

Last weekend we went on a ski retreat with the senior high kids from our church...and we lived to tell about it! ;o) No, really...it was truly a fun weekend. I'm just not used to going to bed around 1:00am two ~~nights~~ mornings in a row, plus skiing for almost an entire day. In drippy cold rain/sleet. Still totally worth it, though.

Any plans out there for the big V-Day on Monday? Honestly, I could take it or leave it. Note to Hubby: No pressure to go out to eat or get me a present...how 'bout an early bed time for the kiddos and a nice snack and a movie? Shoulder rub? And a hot chocolate? I'm now pushing it, aren't I?

I need to start getting paperwork done for Danae's kindergarten registration. Yes, I did say the "K" word. Shudder. Sometimes I feel so old when I realize my baby is going to school in just 6 months...where did the past 5 years go?! So, yes...paperwork, then scheduling the kindergarten screening and the parent interview in May. Yup, they check us child-owners out, too, I guess to make sure we are sane and know what we're doing. Ha! Ha! Ha! Just thinking about how that will go makes me laugh. I might ask them what happens if we don't get a passing "score". Oh, I crack myself up. :o)

Have a beautiful weekend!

Puppies for Sale!

2011-02-03T10:09:00.005-05:00

Ok, folks! We need your help!

The time has come to sell these totally cute German Shorthaired Pointer puppies that we've been raising in our home since December. They are almost 7 weeks old, and they are ready to go next week/next weekend!

We have 5 males left...all A.D.O.R.A.B.L.E. All 5 are white with ticking and varying amounts of liver-colored patches.

If you know nothing about GSPs, know that they:

1) need exercise

2) typically love to hunt, and

3) need exercise. :o)

Our puppies are purebred (litter is registered with the AKC), have health certificates from the vet, are up-to-date on shots and deworming, have tails docked, and come from a championship bloodline. They have been raised in our home and are socialized daily. They are also on regular food and water (with some nursing here and there). We are asking $600.

Please email us at cbdulrich@yahoo.com or call 717-201-1765 to come visit!

Julians Josiah

2011-02-02T08:14:00.005-05:00

Thank you SO much to so many of you who posted comments, called, sent cards, and prayed for us last Thursday! The love was overwhelming, and the support was needed and REALLY appreciated!

Sometime in November I mentioned that we had several friends and family members who were having babies over the span of several months. So far, three have made their debut.

While each birth is amazing and special, this most recent one now holds a separate place in our hearts.

Our friends Matt & Lija were expecting their first born babe to come around February 10...until they found out around Christmastime that he/she was breech. After several doctor's visits and a big scare, Lija needed to have an emergency c-section...which happened to take place last Thursday, January 27. Our Josiah's birthday.

It was already an emotional day for us and for many others, and this little man's arrival brought up lots more emotions in all of us. NEVER anger or bitterness...just a deep wonderment and questioning of why God would bring our friends' baby...a boy, nonetheless!...into this world one year after our son died...one year almost to the hour.

You know, we can sit here and wonder why, be angry about losing Josiah, be bitter that a healthy little boy so close to us was born exactly a year later, worry what future birthdays will look like, ruin friendships, and make life awkward. OR we can embrace this little miracle and continue to walk the path together. And that's exactly what we and Matt & Lija have decided to do. There's no getting around our boys having the same birthdate, so we embrace it and trust God's reasoning.

We got to meet little Julians last night, hold him, and take in his adorable features. He truly is a cute little bundle, weighing in at 6 lbs, 7 oz.

We were also honored to be asked if Julians' middle name could be Josiah...in honor of his birthday-buddy, his friend that's only one year older and is waiting in Heaven. Julians will know Josiah's story forever, and hopefully more people in years to come will know about our son and what it means to truly trust in God's plan, no matter what.

One Year: Celebrating Josiah

2011-01-27T00:01:00.007-05:00

Today marks one year since Curt and I met, held, and had to give our youngest child back to the Lord. Happy 1st Birthday to our Josiah!

Recently I was asked if I ever think of Josiah in Heaven...if I envision him growing and developing while there, or do I think he stays a newborn baby. Interesting. I have never given thought to that, and I don't think there's a clear answer. But regardless of what he might be like, I know he's healed, healthy, and having the most awesome birthday party today.

I sit back now, though, and just wonder how the heck a year - an entire 365 days - seemed to fly by right before my eyes. The past year has been full of tears, conversations, get-aways, birthdays, anniversaries, projects, get-togethers, holidays...but this day one year ago is still so vivid and clear to me, just as if it were yesterday. (And if you know me well and know my inability to remember things from my childhood or from even just last week, that's saying a lot.) I hope and pray that January 27, 2010 remains a clear memory!

This past year has also had lots of questions for God, as well as growth. The first few months after Josiah's birth and death were full of tears, anxiety, anger, faith issues...all that, I believe, are a normal part of this whole grief process that we all, at some point, will experience. Even though I feel like I haven't given the proper amount of time to self-reflection, I still have learned a lot about myself, how I cope, how I handle stress. Some of it is preeety ugly, and God has shown me ways in which I need to change, both outward and inward. It's His way of molding and shaping, right?

I have also learned a whole lot about how God wants us to love Him and to love others. (Note: I think it no coincidence that our church small group started reading and studying the book "Crazy Love" [by Francis Chan] the same month that Josiah died.) Since last January, we have been cared for by SO many people: church friends and others in our church who we didn't know very well, our families (both immediate and extended), our wonderful small group (they are practically family to us), neighbors who hadn't known us very long, friends from childhood and friends from college, even strangers. Meals, cards, phone calls, thoughts and prayers...the ways that people showed their love and support is innumerable. It has truly been amazing to see the love that has been poured out to us, and "thank you" was and is never enough to show our gratitude!

THIS is exactly what we are called to do: to care for and love on others, no matter who they are, no matter where they live, no matter what they do or have done, no matter how much you do or do not know them. I'm trying so hard to cultivate and grow this desire in me to love as Jesus did in all areas of my life, as hard as it seems. I've learned many things over the past year through Josiah's life and death, (as my friend Kara put it, probably more than I would have learned through his life!), and if God just wants to use me to 1) share Josiah's story and bring encouragement, and 2) care for the hurting around me, then so be it. Oh, these life lessons!

I still think about Josiah multiple times each day and miss him a whole heck of a lot. It's hard not to think about what he would be doing if he were here. Walking or still learning how? Saying things? Getting wrestled and pounced on by his big brother? Getting shoved into a princess dress-up dress by his big sister? Having his food stolen by the dog? Probably. We.miss.him.terribly. Can't ever say that enough. Today we are shedding tears, holding close his memory, celebrating his first awesome year in Heaven, and continuing to learn and grow through the heartache.

Monthly Game Review - Hasbro's Ratuki

2011-01-24T14:30:00.003-05:00

From day one, my husband and I loved to play board games. I don't know if it's the competition or just the time spent together, but even now I get excited when we plan to play a board game after the kiddos are in bed. Our favorites over the years included Ticket to Ride, Settlers of Catan, Blokus...

And as the kids arrived we have tried to instill the love of game-playing in them. Lately we enjoy Memory (one of my favorites as a child!) and Operation (but with missing pieces...I'm preeetty sure our youngest ate them) with our five year old, and The Fishing Game with our two year old. Oh, the joy of kicking back, letting the To-Do list go, and just playing!

The Hasbro company encourages just that with their Family Game Nights - time set aside for you and your family to play together, learn, laugh, and love.

The wonderful people at Hasbro sent me one of their newest card games to review - Ratuki - which also happens to be the game of the month for January. Here is a little description sent by Hasbro:

"With Ratuki, families will enjoy card-slamming fun as they race to complete runs of five with numbered cards represented by Roman numerals, numbers and dice. Players will feel a rush of excitement as they try to be the first to slam down their cards and collect the most cards in the group."

We have yet to play this game with a group, but Hubby and I have played Ratuki numerous times in the past month and continue to love it! It's very easy to learn, doesn't have a lot of rules, and is a fast-paced game (one that I tend to win...but don't let Hubby know that I told you). ;o) Check it out for yourself by clicking here!

While you're at it, plan your own Family Game Night during these cold winter months. I think it helps bring the warmer weather back much quicker! ;o)

Dining Room Makeover

2011-01-17T08:37:00.007-05:00

I promised this was coming, and here it is...finally!

For about a year, we have been stuck in the "talking phase" of a dining room/living room wall makeover. You know that stage...it's all "talk" and no action. While deep down I do love organization and know the benefits of mulling things over before just jumping in, on the surface I get severely annoyed by "all talk and no action". If we are talking about it and have somewhat of a game plan in our heads, then let's just do the project and get it over with...as quick as possible! :o) It's probably not the best mentality to have.

Anywho...

We talked...we drew on the wall to get ideas...we consulted with good friends on how much/where/arch or no arch/window or no window. And finally, one night in October, Hubby walked out to his work truck, grabbed a tool, calmly entered the dining room...and attacked the wall. Of course, I jumped out of my seat, stopped the insanity, insisted on some sort of dust management, and then let Hubby go on his merry way of destruction.

Here is our dining room before...

...and the living room wall before (they are back-to-back)...

Dining room side of the wall down...

And we are through!

Of course, we had some child labor during the destruction and clean up process. ;o)

Studded out and ready for drywall...

...And drywalled! We decided to drywall the entire dining room instead of battling with wallpaper removal. We had enough of that "fun" when we did the living room and didn't want to deal with that process again.

And here she is, walls painted, flooring in, cleaned up...

The view from the living room...

In the corner of the dining room we had a cabinet that we painted green several years ago. I wanted it cream this time, so here's her transformation:

None of this would have happened if I didn't have a Hubby that knew what he was doing...and if we didn't have a terrific neighbor who knows how to drywall rounded corners! :o)

So, there you have it! I'm done with big projects for now, but I'm sure some little ones will come along in the near future, so keep watching! ;o)

Once upon a time in a faraway land...

2011-01-05T11:36:00.004-05:00

...an old friend named Amanda gave a certain little girl named Danae a bee-utiful doll named Cinderella. Straight from Disney World, the Holy Land of princesses.

Cinderella spent many a night being snuggled by Danae, many a day being carried by Danae, and many a car trip tucked next to Danae.

Until one day not long ago, Danae (later claiming it was an attempt to scare her mama) threw Cinderella to the top of a tall torchiere lamp...while the lamp was on and standing next to her family's almost dead and dry Christmas tree.

Danae's Mama, not knowing what was going on, smelled a plastic burning type of smell and assumed it was coming from the Christmas tree or something the lovely children put in the outlets. I This woman ran from one end of the room to the other, trying to figure out where the ever-growing smell was coming from and questioning the children at the same time...who kept replying with "I don't know."

Finally, after a few minutes, Danae stated, "I didn't do anything Mama! Cinderella's just sitting in the lamp."

Danae's Mama didn't even think to look up. But upon hearing this statement, she quickly grabbed the lamp, yanked out good 'ol Cindy, opened the front door, and stuck the tall lamp out in the cold. Many a car must have driven by on this family's busy road and wondered what a smoking lamp was doing on the front porch, but Danae's Mama didn't have time to think of such things until days later.

Poor Danae's Mama! All that day she was sick just thinking about this event. What if even a few more minutes went by before she realized something was wrong? What if the Christmas tree had caught on fire? That day was filled with hugs, lectures, and "What if..." thoughts.

And Poor Cinderella...she never saw it coming.

Christmas Recap

2010-12-27T13:56:00.006-05:00

Merry belated Christmas to you all!

I pray you had a wonderful Christmas, celebrating the birth of our Lord Jesus...we sure did!

Christmas Eve was spent with Hubby's family, Christmas morning at home with our babes, (after all four of us slept in the living room together), and Christmas late afternoon with my family in NJ.

Hubby and I were so oblivious to the impending NJ blizzard...until Christmas night. Once a storm warning was issued and the estimate of 12-18 inches was given (around mid-day Saturday, mind you), my siblings started packing and hitting the road. We decided to stick with our plans, stay the night, go for a run Sunday morning, and see friends for brunch while the kiddos kicked back with my parents. It all worked out well, but we decided to change the "leave after Sunday dinner" plan and head out at noon instead. Glad we did...because at that point 2-3 inches were already on the ground, and by dinnertime Sunday my parents had plenty more! I believe they are sitting in 15-20 inches right now...yikes! So, while our NJ trip was less than 24 hours, we are still thankful we got to see most of my family for at least a few hours!

(No, we don't usually give out duck bathroom sets as gifts...we did a white elephant gift exchange. And no, my Dad wasn't given a knitted women's hat...just fooling around.) ;o)

And now this week is spent putting together and organizing new toys, playing with my new iPod Touch (my Hubby is great, isn't he?) ;o), and wondering when my voice will come back. Yup, this lovely cold turned into full-blown laryngitis, and since the recommended treatment is nearly impossible (YOU try resting your voice with a 5 year old and 2 1/2 year old!), I wonder when anyone will be able to hear me again. At least we can stay inside, snuggle, play, and watch movies like this one!

If you haven't seen A Christmas Story, you truly are missing out!!!

OH, and how could I forget! We have also been spending our time doting over 7 little puppies in our house. Yup, our Princess Lucy (a German Shorthaired Pointer) had beautiful puppies a week before Christmas, and they are just the cutest things!

They don't have their eyes or ears open yet, so we aren't really supposed to be holding or carrying them around...but that doesn't mean we aren't tempted to all the time! :o)

Hope you have a wonderful week!

Family Photo Shoot

2010-12-19T01:40:00.002-05:00

Some of you have been asking about my updated photos on the right side. I'm so glad you noticed them!

A few months ago, we asked one of our wonderfully terrific neighbors (who does photography on the side) to take some family pictures for us. Given that we gave him two active kiddos and two tired and crazy parents to work with, Jonathan did some amazing work!

Even though Caedon's mood was one for the record books that afternoon and he refused to look at the camera with a smile, Jonathan managed to capture Caedon's true personality. He also took some adorable shots of Danae, and we were really pleased with the family pictures.

The photo shoot took place at a park down the road from our house, as well as in our backyard. Jonathan has often used our backyard for taking pics for other people. Apparently our old, about-to-fall-over barn makes a great backdrop. Who would have thought!

If you are interested in checking out Jonathan's work, here is his website. Several of our photos are in the "Individuals" and the "Relationships" sections.

http://jonathanmarkphotography.smugmug.com/

Enjoy!

Potty training? I don't think so.

2010-12-13T10:06:00.006-05:00

Life has been...busy!

Wrapping up a dining room project, getting ready for puppies, Christmas shopping, a little bit of sickness, attempts at potty-training...I'm sure most of you know the feeling!

To spare you a post that's longer than my arm, I'll just tell you more about the latter: potty-training.

Here's the gist: It ain't going too well in our parts.

Our daughter was trained and on her way by a little over 2 years old. She showed great interest in using the potty right before she turned 2, and then it just went from there.

Wasn't she just the cutest??? :o)

Our son?

HAHAHA! Still cute, but oh so not potty-trained.

The only experience I have with a boy being potty-trained is the memories of my brother. Mom has a picture of him crying on the toilet, holding his little head in his hands, not wanting to use the stinking thing...at age 3+ years. I have always been told that boys typically take longer, so I don't know why I expected him to follow in his sister's footsteps.

We have tried bribery. We have tried new Toy Story undies. We have tried toys. He shows some interest, but it comes and goes.

He's just not ready yet, and here are a few signs to prove it:

1) He will pee on the potty, get down, go play, and poop and pee in his diaper 5 minutes later.
2) All three of his Toy Story undies ended up in the washer...within a matter of 3 hours.
3) He peed in his undies this morning, then asked to go on the potty, and then asked to wear a diaper instead.
4) He could care less about being a "big boy" and wearing his undies. They are just cool to look at.
5) Seeing his big sister in underwear and not needing a diaper change has no appeal to him whatsoever.
6) Explaining to him that diapers cost a lot more than being potty-trained doesn't work, either. Not sure why...

Yes, we'll get there eventually, and we're not worried or stressed about it in the least. When he's 5 and needing a diaper change in kindergarten, then we'll start to worry.

Lunch

2010-12-02T08:20:00.003-05:00

I thought he finished his lunch.

I even rewarded him with a post-lunch/pre-nap cookie.

Then, after it's all said and done...I found this:

Spaghetti and meatballs, in my glass of water.

Lovely.

Early-morning alone time

2010-11-24T16:14:00.004-05:00

I had the opportunity to go for an early morning run while visiting my parents this past weekend. But instead...

...I chose to catch the early morning sunrise at the beach.

Something I've been wanting to do for a while. A place I've been wanting to go.

Peaceful. Relaxing. And 37 degrees at 7:00am! Not exactly beach weather, but there's still something about walking around on the beach that I love!

I missed the sunrise by about half an hour, but being up to see this was still worth it!

Babies

2010-11-17T13:03:00.007-05:00

Parker Kade

A little doll baby. A second handsome gift given to our friends this week.

Danae and I had the privilege of holding him and snuggling for a bit yesterday morning. It was sweet to see Parker's "newness" and take in his new baby smell!

Several of our friends are pregnant, and we are now entering the season of births. Beautiful little Violet, baby #3 to our friends Merle and Aimee, made her entrance almost two weeks ago, followed by Parker's arrival earlier this week.

Going in to meet Parker proved to be a little more difficult than I thought. I kept thinking that holding a newborn boy was going to be hard...when in reality, the problem was in the location.

I had not been back to the hospital where Josiah was born...until yesterday.

Seeing and holding babies isn't the problem. The gender of the baby isn't the problem. As soon as my daughter and I walked down the hall and into the maternity section, I lost it. The same halls, the smell, the nurses everywhere, the nursery...I walked my sobbing self to Julie's door and just stood there. The nurses probably thought I was nuts. My daughter asked why we weren't going in. And I just cried.

We took a little detour to a bathroom so I could dry my eyes and compose myself...during which time I told Danae what my problem was, and she responded with, "Mommy, you can't go in there crying." Ahh, the straight-forward advice of a five year old.

Seeing and holding little Parker proved to be easier than I thought it would be. I guess my objective, practical self just looked at him and said, "He's not your baby. He's not Josiah." The hospital is what caused the events of January 27 to replay all over again.

At least two more of our friends' babies will arrive at that hospital within the next four months, and while my reaction will probably be the same, deep down I know I can't avoid going there. I have been trying to sidestep those feelings and memories for the past few months now, and that has made me a sad, irritable person lately. I want to visit those friends and their babies, and going to that hospital was and will be part of the healing process.

Oh, the roads that God has us walk down. I know that this is all in the plan, and it will all serve a greater purpose someday. But it's definitely not easy in the moment, nor was it EVER promised to be easy.

Little Boys

2010-11-11T07:10:00.004-05:00

I guess this is how little boys...

...watch Curious George...

...in their underwear.

Happy Birthday Curt!

2010-11-09T07:15:00.005-05:00

Well, we survived the half marathon and are mostly back to normal, with no wobbly walking! ;o) My time: 2 hours, 6 minutes. (Not my best, but I'll still take it.) HUBBY'S TIME: 1 hour, 51 minutes! And it was his first half marathon! I am SO SO proud of him!

Enough of that, though...

because today we celebrate Hubby's 31st birthday!

Happy birthday, Curt!

It's been quite the year, and I've seen you endure a lot, both together with me and on your own. You are a man of God, blessed with wonderful talents and skills, and loved by many.

Enjoy your special day! We love you!

It's Fall, Baby!

2010-11-02T16:04:00.006-04:00

Wow...the condition of my blog and the neglected condition of my house are very telling of how busy we have been lately! :o)

Life has included a weekend trip to see my family in NJ, followed by an annual weekend trip with friends (which involved 6 adults and 5 children...a little hectic, yes...but oh so wonderful!)...

We sprinkled in our town's Halloween parade with our neighbors, where the candy is practically thrown at the kids in full bags...

...some playtime in the leaves...

...some intentional dog-breeding (more on that soon!)...

...a liiittle bit of applesauce-making with the bestie (140 quarts total)...

...aaand maybe a little house project that involves a wall being knocked out. (I'll save those pics for another post.) But thank GOD we have little helpers to clean up the mess, or I'd be beside myself. ;o)

A full but ENJOYABLE Fall it has been so far!

This week, though, we are focused on the half-marathon that we have been training for since June. I can't believe it's on Saturday already! I haven't written much about training over the past few months, but it has been going well. Two shorter runs during the week, and a long run on the weekend. Let's see what happens this weekend! :o)

My girl turns 5!

2010-10-16T14:55:00.006-04:00

Happy Birthday to my favorite-est girl in the whole wide world!

She's my first-born, logical, realistic thinker who loves doing school workbooks and having structure, yet has the messiest room known to man. (Probably 'cause her mom likes to think she can keep an organized house, but she can't.)

She weighed in at 7 lbs., 15 oz. five years ago today, and we were in love from the moment we knew she was growing inside of me.

She loves her little brother to pieces, and she loves to talk about her littlest brother who is waiting for her in Heaven.

We have never had a birthday party for Danae where she could invite other children...until today.

It began with "apple bobbling", as Danae kept calling it...

(sorry, Jenny...I just had to post it. Your son "helping" you made me crack up!)

...continued by with some outdoor play and a pinata...

...then on to lunch and cupcake decorating. Yeah, you read that right. I didn't realize how insane I am until we had 10 kids sitting at my kitchen table with icing and sprinkles.

All-in-all, a very fun day for all of the kids and for Danae, which was the goal of it all. Despite my lack of detailed organization, we pulled it off with the help of the other adults that stuck around to ~~laugh at~~ help us and keep my head on straight (thank GOD you all stayed!).

Next up: naptime, followed by figuring out where the last 5 years went and loving on the little girl who makes us smile every day. :o)

Going to the dentist with #1

2010-10-12T16:02:00.008-04:00

Today was another "first" in our house: Danae's first trip to the dentist.

Oh, boy.

I've been meaning for months to make the phone call, set the appointment, and get this done. But, alas, just like everything else, it got pushed aside and forgotten. UNTIL...

A few days ago I was doing the nightly follow-up brushing (you know...the one where you check their mouths and actually do the brushing after your kids ate the toothpaste off the brush and thought they brushed really well), when I saw a small something in Danae's mouth. Thinking it was food, I brushed harder. I flossed. I brushed again. Then, realizing the thing didn't move, I called Hubby in for a second opinion. Yup, our girl had a visible cavity.

*Groan*

Seriously??? I barely give this kid candy, juice is given on special occasions, and I feel like I try to feed my family well! Where the heck did I go wrong to make my soon-to-be five year old have a cavity already?!

Well, come to find out that some kids just have softer teeth and are prone to cavities. I guess Danae gets that from me...I'm pretty sure I was born with cavities, I have so many.

Moving on...

The news of owning her first cavity sent Danae into hysterics. Literal sobbing and screaming at 9:00pm. She knew enough about a dental visit from a Dora the Explorer book that we own, and she knew needles were involved in cavity-fixing. She begged me to find a dentist that didn't use needles. (Oh, honey...if they existed, I'd be the first one in their chair!)

This morning came, and Danae announced that she was no longer worried about the visit...she said she thought about it and decided to be my brave girl. Sometimes I think this kid is so mature for her age that it scares me.

Turns out that she didn't even need to be brave. The hygienist, doctor, and everyone in the office was incredible. The hygienist explained every . little . step to Danae before she did it. (Really, I think the explaining took longer than the exam, cleaning, and fluoride treatment.) But that was exactly what Danae needed. She likes to understand what's going to happen, and it put her at ease.

I think the cool purple glasses that they give to kids helped some, too.

Overall, she did really well! Now, if I could just get over the fact that my little first-born laying in the dentist's chair is growing up, maybe we can all get through this in one piece. ;o)

streams of consciousness

2010-10-04T16:14:00.007-04:00

I went through my inbox this morning, and there are at least 16 flagged emails (I started to lose count) that need a response or some sort of my attention, still sitting there unanswered. I better get on that today.

In "The Comeback" post, I mentioned having only one job starting the middle of this month. Well...things changed again, and I'll spare you the boring details, but I will still have just one job...it will just be a super, super part-time job, still 2-3 miles from home, and still very do-able. Meaning more time at home to care for my babes and wrap my head around the clutter that's clogging things up around here.

It's been a rainy few days here in PA, and so cold that I almost expect to see snow falling! (it's not in the forecast...just in my thoughts) Last week's major rain and flooding made the entrance to our town's park (just down the street from us) look like this:

See, Mom and Dad...I told you it was kind of crazy out here!

We had no where in particular to be today, and the kiddos looked so darn cute in their footie pajamas that I just didn't feel like dressing them today. Heck, I didn't feel like dressing myself, but I did manage to pull on some running gear and get in a 4-mile training run on my neighbor's treadmill. The kiddos? They just played inside with all the other kids that my neighbor babysits. Did I at least dress them to go over there? Nope.

And really, when my little Buzz Lightyear is riding around on his motorcycle with a baseball helmet on, who would even try to tell him he needs to change? No need for the battle, no need to wash more laundry, and keeping the boy happy and cute all day...that's more like it!

The End of Bear #1

2010-09-30T16:51:00.003-04:00

He never took a pacifier.

He didn't take to sucking his thumb.

But at around 6 or 7 months old, we noticed Caedon was getting attached to a little bear/blanket thing, and that was completely fine by us!

Bear went to lots of places with us: trips, sometimes stores. He was a must at naptime and bedtime. There were very few times that Bear wasn't present during sleeping times (you know, when I stuck him in the washer and totally forgot about having him dry by naptime).

But on this gloriously rainy day, Caedon felt the need to show his Bear to our dog, Lucy...by shoving Bear into the dog's crate when I wasn't looking.

Oh, I found him, alright...

Guess who will be making a trip to Target this evening to purchase a Bear replacement? This Mom!

The Comeback

2010-09-23T15:50:00.002-04:00

Four weeks?

Four weeks???

Have I really been neglectful of blogging for almost four full weeks?

Yikes.

Well, this is my apology for the lack of updates and “hellos”, as well as my attempt to get back up on the horse.

I tell ya, friends…life over here has been, well, just plain crazy. Possibly even a tad on the psychotic side. Since I’m a list-lover, I’ll give you a nice run-down of what September has included so far:

One last beach trip/visit to my parent’s house in NJ (don’t worry Mom and Dad: it was the last beach trip of 2010, not the last trip we’ll take to see you guys; stay calm).
Early morning and/or late evening training runs (Hubby and I are running a half-marathon on November 6. His first - Yay! - my third.).
A lovely stomach virus that produced two vomiting children, one during the night and the other during the day (Thank you, Jesus, that this mayhem didn’t go on at the same time!).
A visit from a mouse who jumped out of our trash can when I opened it, leaving me screaming during the 6:15am discovery. After some trap-setting and the capture of two mice, I think Hubby sent the message out that they are not welcome in our house.
A little more sharing of the stomach virus to me, putting me out of commission for a few days. There’s nothing like the leader of this circus life being out of it for a little bit…just come check out our house and you’ll know what I mean.
Hubby working evenings and some Saturdays, leaving me to fend for myself against the Halflings.
The return to our church small group meetings every other Wednesday (which we LOVE - absolutely no complaints there!)
Meetings for and the start up of senior high youth group (we agreed to help out this year...we think it will be fun!)

On top of all that, I have been running between two jobs each week for the past few months, questioning what I want to do in life, worrying about whether to send Danae to kindergarten next fall or home school her (yeah, I know I have time to decide...I'm just ridiculous)...

I'm sure you get the picture by now.

For the most part, it has been self-imposed mayhem, so we know we are the ones to blame. We brought too much on ourselves, all at the same time, for way too long. This "busyness" seems to be the way we operate...but no one said it's healthy or beneficial. We have had no personal time...no date nights...no time for reflection or deep conversation with each other or others...

So, it's time for a little change.

As of mid-October, I'll have only one job (like a normal person), which is only 2-3 miles from our home. The commute will be short, my kids will be closer, and I'll be working less.

Hubby has completed most of his side jobs, leaving just one for this fall/winter...and leaving him with some time to hunt in November. ;o)

We will be taking the kids with us to Sunday night youth group twice per month instead of leaving them with a babysitter once again. Maybe they will like us more because of that.

We will be studying a great Max Lucado book with our small group this fall, so that coupled with great prayer time with friends can only be good!

And I will try my hardest to continue posting here. I realized that this (along with running) is a release for me...it's personal time for me to reflect and share, seek out advice, give back to others...and I need it.

So, I'm back! ;o)

The Camping Excursion

2010-08-30T06:55:00.002-04:00

We finally took the plunge.

After talking about it for months, we finally borrowed our neighbors' tent and went for it: camping in the back yard, with our two young kiddos.

One was very excited about it, while the other was a bit reluctant.

After the tent was set up, the sleeping bags and blankets were laid out, the pillows were put in place and the toys and books were strewn properly...after teeth were brushed and potties were used one last time, we all got in, zipped the door shut, and started our adventure.

Which quickly turned into misery.

Everyone was visibly tired, so after 20 minutes of book-reading and laughing, we found our pillows, snuggled in, put the blanket on top, and said our Goodnight's. The light was turned out, and Danae quickly and easily hunkered down and attempted to fall asleep. Caedon, on the other hand...

He twisted here, rolled there, jumped on Daddy's back, laid back down, whined, stood up, ran over there, jumped over here, couldn't find his Bear, whined some more, snuggled into Mommy, pulled Danae's hair, found Bear and the sippy cup, snuggled into Daddy, stood back up...and finally declared, "Sleep in crib! House! Sleep in crib!" And the crying began (on all accounts).

I tell you, that boy is totally a creature of habit.

After 30 minutes of calming him down, he finally nodded off. Then at 2:00am, when nature called and my back was throbbing in pain...when we realized that our kids' faces were ice-cold and that I might not ever be able to walk again, Hubby and I made the decision to go back into the house, to our WARM padded bed. Caedon woke when he heard us talking, and upon learning that he could possibly go back to his crib, he immediately jumped up, grabbed his prized possessions (sippy cup and Bear), and headed for the door. We bribed Danae by telling her she could sleep in our bed, got back into our home, and order (and SLEEP!) were restored. The End.

Lesson learned: Two year olds don't make for that great of camping buddies. Wait 'til they're older.

And sorry for the lack of pictures, but really...you didn't want to see this train wreck.