A little doll baby. A second handsome gift given to our friends this week.
Danae and I had the privilege of holding him and snuggling for a bit yesterday morning. It was sweet to see Parker's "newness" and take in his new baby smell!
Several of our friends are pregnant, and we are now entering the season of births. Beautiful little Violet, baby #3 to our friends Merle and Aimee, made her entrance almost two weeks ago, followed by Parker's arrival earlier this week.
Going in to meet Parker proved to be a little more difficult than I thought. I kept thinking that holding a newborn boy was going to be hard...when in reality, the problem was in the location.
I had not been back to the hospital where Josiah was born...until yesterday.
Seeing and holding babies isn't the problem. The gender of the baby isn't the problem. As soon as my daughter and I walked down the hall and into the maternity section, I lost it. The same halls, the smell, the nurses everywhere, the nursery...I walked my sobbing self to Julie's door and just stood there. The nurses probably thought I was nuts. My daughter asked why we weren't going in. And I just cried.
We took a little detour to a bathroom so I could dry my eyes and compose myself...during which time I told Danae what my problem was, and she responded with, "Mommy, you can't go in there crying." Ahh, the straight-forward advice of a five year old.
Seeing and holding little Parker proved to be easier than I thought it would be. I guess my objective, practical self just looked at him and said, "He's not your baby. He's not Josiah." The hospital is what caused the events of January 27 to replay all over again.
At least two more of our friends' babies will arrive at that hospital within the next four months, and while my reaction will probably be the same, deep down I know I can't avoid going there. I have been trying to sidestep those feelings and memories for the past few months now, and that has made me a sad, irritable person lately. I want to visit those friends and their babies, and going to that hospital was and will be part of the healing process.
Oh, the roads that God has us walk down. I know that this is all in the plan, and it will all serve a greater purpose someday. But it's definitely not easy in the moment, nor was it EVER promised to be easy.