Friday, January 22, 2010

The Raw Truth

I try to be Wonder Woman. Try to keep it all together. Get the "to-do" list done. Honor my God. Love on and care for my husband and children. Keep everyone happy while maintaining a healthy sense of balance.

But here's the truth: This week has been one of the worst in my entire life, and no Wonder Woman can fix it. Our hearts hurt furiously.

What started with a regular prenatal appointment on Monday quickly turned into ultrasounds and further tests to reveal aching that we never, ever expected.

Our third child, now 31 weeks in my womb, has only a small chance at survival. And we aren't sure if we can do anything about it.

This week...filled with car issues, a work truck in need of a transmission, stomach viruses, migraines, head colds, tests I never thought I'd have to go through...this one week has made us stop in our tracks and put schedules, appointments, future plans, and dreams on hold. We are forced to face the huge possibility that, while I am feeling a child moving inside of me right now and look like I'm over 9 months pregnant, we may not get to raise our third baby. We have to think about how we might need to tell our 4 year old who is, quite possibly, one of the most excited people to have a baby in the house again that her sisterly plans and dreams might not happen.

We never thought we'd have to go through this. Over 4 years ago, our hearts hurt tremendously for friends who lost their beautiful first born, and we couldn't begin to imagine the pain they felt. Now, it's as clear as day to us.

And it hurts deep.

Our child has a condition called hydrops, and we will hopefully find out next week what the underlying cause is and what can or cannot be done. For now, we seek your prayers, especially for the Lord to bless this baby and us with a miracle. We know that He is capable of anything, and we are relying on His strength to get us through it.

Thank you for standing with us. You are loved and appreciated more than you'll ever know.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Danae-isms, Part...oh, I lost track!

I think it's time for another installment of Danae-isms. We're overdue for them, and my mind needs some distracting this week. So here are just a few, for your entertainment.

1) Let me just tell you that this girl has PLANS for when her baby sister (or brother...we try to remind her that it's not a girl just because she said so) is born.

Danae: So, Mommy? When will Nana come visit again?
Me: Sometime soon, honey.
Danae: Maybe when the baby is born, Nana and Papa can come, and Meagan and Maddie, and everyone else can visit, too. That's what people do now when babies come out.

2) We spent some time looking at videos of Danae when she was Caedon's age. Oh, it's hilarious, and even though I love her at all ages and stages, she was such an awesome baby. :o) Here's the conversation that ensued later the same day.

Danae: Mama? You loved it when I was a baby, huh?
Me: Of course, honey! But I love you just as much at 4 years old! I want you to stop growing up and stay 4! :o)
Danae: Well, I don't want to get shots at the doctor's when I turn 5, so I'm just not going to turn it.
Me: What? What do you mean?
Danae: I'm never turning 5. I don't want to get those shots! Can you discuss it with Daddy tonight after he gets home?

3) Nursing bra shopping. I don't need to go into further detail.

Danae (while sitting quietly in a stroller, behaving amazingly well): So, which ones do you like, Mama?
Me: Well, they are all fine, I'm just having trouble finding the size I need.
Danae: There are so many on this rack. JUST PICK ONE!

Ahh, yes...a 4 year old who talks like a little old lady sometimes. I love it!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Not-So-Wordless Wednesday

I ran waddled upstairs to change my clothes and was gone for 5 minutes. Here's what I found upon return.

A sink full of happy baby, hand soap, and a broken ceramic soap dispenser.

I'm pretty sure this is the child who will make me go gray early.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Not Me! Monday

It's Monday.

The start of a very full, busy week (nothing new there!). Time to sit back and reflect on the events of last week, completely denying any involvement in poor judgement calls or lack of loving motherly skills. ;o) I've decided to take part in Not Me! Monday, created by a wonderful blogger over at My Charming Kids. (FYI if it doesn't come out very clear to you: note the heavy sarcasm and denial below.)

* I've been sleeping oh SO peacefully the past few weeks, since that's what happens when you are 30 weeks pregnant with a massive ball in front of you. I never wake up cranky or irritable or feel like I want to stay in bed all day long.

* The results of that lovely 28-week glucose test came in. (You know...the one where you drink a super sugary drink, feeling like you just pounded down an entire city of Pixie Sticks, and then get your blood drawn to check on gestational diabetes and hemoglobin levels. Yummy.) My iron levels didn't come back too low, causing my midwife to tell me to buy iron pills and change my diet. Nope. Not me. Those pills aren't still sitting on the store shelf, just waiting for my forgetful self to go buy them. I never forget something that important every time I'm at the store.

* I didn't throw together some type of egg/pepper/anything-I-have-in-the-fridge mixture, sprinkle on cheese and salsa, slap it all into a tortilla, and call it "dinner" one evening last week. Nope. I always have my family's meals planned out with every ingredient on-hand in the pantry.

* There was no way that another mouse was in the kitchen last week. Absolutely not. And I didn't meet said mouse face-to-face at 6am when I couldn't sleep and decided to go bake something for breakfast. Said mouse was not perusing through my box full of papers from work, squeaking at me and causing me to scream for my husband at that time of the morning. Nope. And for the record, I didn't make my husband stumble out of bed and down the stairs so he could simply take the box outside and shake the mouse out. I can handle tiny little mice all by myself and not completely freak out over it. Yup.

* I did not let the dog out the other day to "do her business" and not keep track of her. No way. We always know where she is at all times and never let her wander through the farmer's fields at the back of our property. We have no plans of installing underground fence to train our dog the second the ground thaws out...she's just that well-behaved that she'd never need such a thing.

Well, enough confessions for now. ;o) Maybe I'll share more of my "not me's" next Monday.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Gotta love the handyman!

Besides the daily challenges of running after two funny children with a large basketball attached to my front and juggling work with home life, we also encountered a few other house challenges over the past week. I'm pretty sure Hubby was starting to question his mental status when we purchased this house 7 months ago. Like I've said in the past, God likes to smack us around with a few issues all at the same time instead of one here and one there. :o) See, I can be humorous about it because we are used to it.

On top of Hubby working with his dad in trying to get our new/used coal stove working and me talking with a man in India for the longest time to get my new router working, (Yes, I'm pretty sure that's where he was. No, I didn't ask but should have.), we also realized a new issue on Sunday. My washing machine would not fill with water. There I was with a bin full of "wash me now!" cloth diapers, unable to get the water going. The rest of the house water was fine, and we quickly realized it was definitely a pipe problem, not a machine problem. Ugh.

Hubby spent most of Sunday trying to dig out the part of the basement that contained our lovely washing machine water pipes, and he was unable to reach them. (In between this task, he and our neighbor worked at getting the coal stove going.) On Monday night, thinking that the pipes might be accessible via the deck that is just outside our back door, he began pulling up the wooden boards. And there was the problem.

Sometime over the summer, we kept smelling "eau de dead animal" in and around the back deck. We suspected something was dead under there, near the house, but we couldn't get to it. So we poured bleach down through the deck boards and lived with the smell for a week or so. Wouldn't you know...whatever animal was under there had dug a huge hole against our house, exposing the washing machine water pipes. With the beyond-cold weather this past weekend, and no insulation around them, the pipes froze, leaving me waterless. After a nighttime run to Lowe's for insulation and more of Hubby's handiwork, the pipes had their insulation, I had a functioning washing machine, and peace was restored. Gotta love a man who can juggle all of that and still not lose his cool with me! ;o)

So now we have a working router, a lit coal stove, a warm/cozy house, and clean clothing. Ahh, yes...normalcy. I can almost ignore the men digging up my front yard at 7:30am this morning to install a grinder pump for the pending public sewer project. Almost. ;o)