Friday, January 22, 2010

The Raw Truth

I try to be Wonder Woman. Try to keep it all together. Get the "to-do" list done. Honor my God. Love on and care for my husband and children. Keep everyone happy while maintaining a healthy sense of balance.

But here's the truth: This week has been one of the worst in my entire life, and no Wonder Woman can fix it. Our hearts hurt furiously.

What started with a regular prenatal appointment on Monday quickly turned into ultrasounds and further tests to reveal aching that we never, ever expected.

Our third child, now 31 weeks in my womb, has only a small chance at survival. And we aren't sure if we can do anything about it.

This week...filled with car issues, a work truck in need of a transmission, stomach viruses, migraines, head colds, tests I never thought I'd have to go through...this one week has made us stop in our tracks and put schedules, appointments, future plans, and dreams on hold. We are forced to face the huge possibility that, while I am feeling a child moving inside of me right now and look like I'm over 9 months pregnant, we may not get to raise our third baby. We have to think about how we might need to tell our 4 year old who is, quite possibly, one of the most excited people to have a baby in the house again that her sisterly plans and dreams might not happen.

We never thought we'd have to go through this. Over 4 years ago, our hearts hurt tremendously for friends who lost their beautiful first born, and we couldn't begin to imagine the pain they felt. Now, it's as clear as day to us.

And it hurts deep.

Our child has a condition called hydrops, and we will hopefully find out next week what the underlying cause is and what can or cannot be done. For now, we seek your prayers, especially for the Lord to bless this baby and us with a miracle. We know that He is capable of anything, and we are relying on His strength to get us through it.

Thank you for standing with us. You are loved and appreciated more than you'll ever know.


Hostetter6 said...

Oh Beth, as I sit here with tears streaming down my face, I remember ... how clearly I remember, the raw hurt you are feeling right now.

My prayers are with you and Curt, your sweet unborn baby, Denae and Caedon.

You are right, our God is capable of anything ... and whatever that "anything" may be, I pray that you have peace in knowing that our God, your God, is by your side, that He'll NEVER leave you or forsake you.

Keep believing and know that you are loved and that little one is loved and being lifted in prayer!

Cariluz and Ike said...

My dear cousin: I know there isn't much I can say that will make your pain better. Just know that our entire family is lifting you all up to God, and praying that His perfect peace will envelop you and comfort you all throughout this time. You are loved!

Beccalynn said...

I will definitely be praying. I've seen God do miracles with little babies who weren't supposed to live and I've seen how He's used those children for His glory. I know he can do the same with your precious little one.

Kara Stoltzfus said...

there are no words. it brings back so much of my own raw pain and loss. my heart aches for you!

please know that if i can do anything for you, anything, i will!

i pray. i pray for peace, rest, comfort, encouragement and the lord's strength to face the future, whatever it holds!! i am so sorry.

Ruth said...

You are much loved, my cousin. Pain: raw, intense, emotional... I am so sorry. You have been in my thoughts constantly. We, too, pray for a miracle for baby Ulrich. We pray for God's masterful plant to be revealed to you and Curt. And we pray that your little ones get over being sick super fast!

Enjoying the Scenery said...

I found your site through so sorry for you and what you're going through. I lost 2 children to miscarriages and am still asking God "why". Praying with you for a miracle.

bec4 said...

I am praying for you. Having had a child die at 6 days old, I understand your fears and pain. I am praying for supernatural healing and a miracle for your little one.

Sherrie said...

I will be keeping you and your family in my prayers. May God lift you up at this time and wrap you in his loving arms.

Sara said...

Oh Beth, I'm so sorry to read this. I'll be praying for you,your husband, kids and sweet babe. Praying for peace and a miracle.

Anonymous said...

We don't know each other but i came here from "My pink life" blog. My heart breaks for you and your family-i sit her with tears running down my face. I know what it's like to part with a baby-all the prayers and dreams wrapped up in one so small and so loved. Also the pain u feel when your other children have to face grief like this. I will pray for u!!! I am so sorry!!! May God hold u and your family! Lena Stoltzfus