I must admit something:
It's been a rough few weeks around our house.
While the children's sicknesses seem to have hit the road for now, Hubby and I have found that we've been having these deep-down feelings about moving. And these feelings kind of crept up and unloaded on Monday.
- Nervous over our current house not being sold yet
- Anxiety about Saturday's big move
- Sentimental feelings and tears over leaving this home, the memories made here, the awesome neighbors staying behind...
I don't think that either one of us realized these feelings were there. The past few weeks have been CHOCK-FULL of doctor's visits, paper-signing, busyness at work, trips with families...go, go, go and not enough time to sit back and dig deep.
However, long drives to NJ and then to the mountains in one weekend (yes, with the kiddos...and yes, we're nuts) produce a lot of time to think. And it all came to a head.
Are we doing the "right" thing? Do we really want to move? Where is this fear coming from? Why am I so edgy? Will our current house ever sell, or will we be in complete trouble in a few months, still trying to handle both homes?
Then a realization hit me yesterday. I'm so tired of wondering "what if" and if we are doing the "right" thing. What's the "right" thing, anyway? Who said that everyone needs to live this cookie-cutter life where things always fall right into place without any hitch...any stretching...any growth?
(here's the real kicker)
God wouldn't clear the way for us to buy this house and then leave us sitting at the curb, handling the rest on our own. Pretty much my brain blew up yesterday and said, "Hey, dummy...God's still here. Why are you thinking He's not in control of this whole 'selling the house and moving' situation?"
Yup, we thanked God 'til we were blue in the face for giving us our current home...we thanked Him when our children were born...we thanked Him when our offer was accepted for the home we are moving to...we thank Him for safety, family, friends, love, etc., etc., etc....BUT, we then stuck Him in a box and basically told Him we'd handle the rest from here. And by "handle" I mean keep the stress, worry, fear, and anxiety right on our shoulders and not surrender it all to Him.
And I know that you know what I'm talking about. It really sucks the life right out of you, doesn't it?
So, today's a new day. Today is when we use that realization and actually do something with it.
I'll continue on with the packing, house-showing, working, moving, being-a-Mommy gig...but it's now with a lot less worry and a bit more excitement. Because, although my nickname might be Wonder Woman, I realize that ultimately I'm not in control and can't do ANYTHING without the One who put me here.
Here's to a new day...