Tuesday, July 27, 2010

6 Months

Six months ago today, our third baby went to be with Jesus...and I don't think we have ever been the same since.

It's really quite shocking to think that it has already been six months. Really? Has it really been half a year since we met our son and let him go, all in the same day? Some days it feels like so long ago, and other days I'm certain that it was only last week.

For the most part, I'd have to say that we are doing okay. After looking back at a journal entry from the end of January, I realize that we have healed a lot in six months. The insanely deep pain in my words back then isn't so deep and bitter now. But, I must say...Josiah is still constantly on my mind, almost every hour of every day.

We have the little reminders around the house: pictures on the wall, a photo album, clothing, blankets, and siblings who also miss their baby brother. I have a gorgeous necklace around my neck almost every day, engraved with the words "Sweet Josiah" on the back, given to me by some of the most beautiful, supportive women I know. We have two young fruit trees planted in our back yard, in honor of the boy who probably would have downed a bowl of fruit in no time, just like his older brother. And we have friends galore with babies here, there, and on their way...all of whom make me think of how my youngest would have grown up with them.

Having all of these reminders is truly helpful for us, and beautiful and honoring to Josiah...I'd want it no other way. It's just that on days like today, a milestone of sorts, it's so hard to think how different our lives would be if we had a 6-month-old in with the mix. Would life be as crazy busy and hectic, involving full-time work and juggling an overwhelming schedule on some days? Or would things be a bit slower, knowing that a baby demands eating every 2-3 hours and that my life would revolve around his feeding/sleeping/pooping pattern and probably the event schedule at the library?

Since we know we can't live in the past...we can't look at the "what if's" or "would have, could have, should have's"...since life rolls on and we can't change what happened six months ago that rocked our world to the core...we go on, remembering Josiah's life in the womb, the plans we had made, and the fact that he's playing up in Heaven and we get to see him again soon. Yeah, things are most definitely still painful at times...but in the end, we have Hope.


Lori said...

THAT was a beautiful posting-love you so much Beth!

Anonymous said...

WOW and yes, where has time gone. It seems like yesterday and painful at times. But, to know we have a God of hope, who loves us so much, who is our stronghold, who dries our tears and showers us with love, hope and strength everyday!!What more can we ask?

Remember though thy foes rae strong and tried,the angels of heaven are on thy side, and GOD ius over all!
much love and prayers,

Anonymous said...

girl. like i mentioned to you several times throughout the last week. we are thinking of you and praying for you. asking the lord to heal, provide strength and grace for each moment of the day.

when i think of logan and remember his short life, i often think of sweet josiah. i love him alongside of you and felt honored to have "met" him & held him close.

he was precious, you are too. you are loved.

comfort to you today.

Rachel said...

Love to you today, my sweet friend. Your faith and joy inspires and encourages me daily.

Meggan said...

I was crying reading this. I am so sorry you had to go though that. You are in my prayers.

Hostetter6 said...


My thoughts and prayers are with you and Curt today ... and many other days too, praying and trusting the Lord will provide just what you need to get you through today, and then again tomorrow, and so on.

Hope is a beautiful thing, isn't it?

It was great to run into you and your sweeties at the Barnstormers game a week or so ago. We do miss seeing you at Keystone.

Love, Nicole

Cariluz and Ike said...

An extra dose of love and hugs to you and your family today, Beth!

Aimee said...

That was such a beautiful post. You have a gift for coming up with just the right words to express what you are feeling. We miss your sweet baby too and think about him so often. Love you and your family!!

Cousin Ruth said...

I am full of awe by your strength and courage. The Lord has truly been walking with you during this time. You are loved so deeply by family and friends. And yes... Josiah is indeed fully healed and enjoying time with our Maker.

Julie J said...

Remembering you guys especially today and usually every month on the 27th. Beautiful post today. Love ya, Julie